Wednesday, December 08, 2004

It's over...an open letter to George Lucas.

Back when i was a kid, it didn't get any bigger than Star Wars.

It was my fantasy to be in one of those movies, ever since the '70's.

I think I would have made a kickass Jedi, but now it's too late.

The last in the series comes out next year, and guess what?

I'm not in it.

George Lucas, you missed out boy.

Look how well I fit in with the other homies: (click to enlarge)


"Don't worry Mace and Obi Wan...I've got this motherfucker".

With my hot pink lightsabre, and my shaggy Obi-Wan style beard, I would have kicked Sith ass right out the other side of the Galaxy, but no...

You had to fuck it up!

Forget Hayden Christiansen...who could resist this good thang?
(click to enlarge)


Fuck! I'm almost handsome! I'm like, Jedi Jesus!

I'm already used to wearing hoodiez, fighting with swords, being hairy, and kicking ass all day, so what's the difference?

I'm a natural!

I even Jedi mind trick hot girls into sleeping with me!

George, you fucked up the series in so many ways, but the public will never forgive you this time.

You know they love me.

You know all the girls would leave little puddles on their seats whenever I whip out my lightsabre.

You know all the boys would want to be me.

Think of the merchandising!
(click to enlarge)


Play with me all day long...

I can't believe it.

I'm shattered.

There is nothing left for me now.

(Except porn).

Here's to that!

My porn name will be: Luke Thighwater.





This is knifey, from 'the internet'.

37 comments:

Kitten said...

Can I be Pricess Lay-her???

Oh god I know that was bad,,,Im learning to type laying down,,,adapting as they say.

you do make a handsome Jedi.

Xo
Your favorite Connecticut Stepford Wife.

The Pink Kitty said...

Ehehehe...... you would have made one hell of a action figure. I'd have bought one

Sherriff said...

I guess that leaves me to be Hand Solo.

D'oh!

fluffy said...

George's first mistake was not naming it Spa Wars.

He lost me for good with his jar jar scrotum binks and watto characters, which i saw as both based on stereotypes of the (dopey peaceful) jamaican and the (cheating dirty) semite. couldn't believe it didn't raise more eyebrows.

a good article here about racial characterisation in the Phantom Menace: http://www.scifimoviepage.com/jarjar.html

Kitten said...

that was supposed tp be "PRINCESS Lay-Her"

la nadine said...

is it wrong how tingly those pictures made me?

if we're playing star wars, i'd like to be queen fuckherharder.

sorry, its the best i could do. i'm tired. too much red wine for nadsi last night.

sugar and spice said...

just call me chewy. make of it what you will.

la nadine said...

sugar: best. appropriate. star wars. name. eva.

Jess said...

Kniefy Wan Jinn, wise one, I have a question for you!

Does Team Fizli = Spa Party Peeps?

I am simply a silent voyeur to all the spa shenanigans, and am curious as to whether I am a peeping tom when it comes to Team Fizli as well!

Tillops said...

Darth Balls.

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the jedi. At last we will have revenge."

morgan said...

i do hope the Knifey-wan action figure has an anatomically correct pants department....

Psst, it's me! said...

Oooh, me too! Standard equipment, I tell you!

You've Got What I Need... said...

It's not the color of a man's lightsaber, but how well he HITS with it that truly matters.

knifey said...

Comments, much???

Luke Thighwater, Princess Lay-her, Hand Solo, Queen Fuckmeharder, Chewy, and Darth Balls- SPA WARZ 4 EVA !!!

Jess- In answer to Does Team Fizli = Spa Party Peeps?
The answer is...sort of.
The official nerdy spa party peepz be Ms Fits, Sheriff, La Nadine, and Book Book Cheep Cheep.
I got invited, but graciously declined the offer, and have been invited to nothing else since.
I'll probably end up writing a post about this, but my idea of Team Fizli is a coalition of willing bloggers who would band together like the jedi, and fight boredom and ordinaryness by sharing our many and varied talents, to make this universe a fizlier place.
parties, odd events, you know where i'm going with this.
i was thinking of making it australian only, but we have an immigration policy like that already.
so now it's international.
git orn it!

morgan le fay (or princess leia morgana)- they'd need a bigger clear plastic window on the box...for my ego.

mara! i just like saying it. such a lovely name. mara!

you got what i need- i think you might, actually.
my lightsabre never goes flat, and is always up for fighting boredom and unsexiness, wherever it may find them.
plus, it's totally pink, and goes with everything.

fluffy- face it. george is an extremely talented doodie-head. THX1138 was as good as it got with him (and admittedly, that was pretty good!), but whoever convinced/encouraged him to run with the days of our jedi theme needs to be shot.

la nadine- tongues are wagging!

la nadine said...

in a good, french kiss kinda way?

knifey said...

*heart attack* !

sugar and spice said...

we're all over it you two. like flies at a barbie.

knifey said...

how did you know about me and Barbie?

sugar and spice said...

nothing is safe within the walls of team fizli

knifey said...

Man, your timing is impeccable!

(Either that or you're hitting refresh every 5 seconds).
Actually, my ego likes that idea a lot.

Seeing as we're chatting and all, am I forgiven for missing your pizarty?
And how was it?
Highlights?

You've Got What I Need... said...

Yes, pink does go with everything Knifey. It's the new black, and whoever said that ORANGE was is completely delusional. Orange only goes with everything if you're an Oompa Loompa on speed. Which is an amusing mental image. Little orange folk runnin' around... back to pink, it's simply lovely. Much like your blogs. Oh, and please make your little party international. You'll be thrice blessed (hmm... just how THIS will come to pass I don't know, but it just might involve Taxi Cabs going BOOM)

sugar and spice said...

party was a freakin' cracker. my best ever. you're so forgiven. buck fudd was the only one to come from out behind the computer. understanding is my middle name.

are you ducking out on tues with me, bookbook and lee lee? you so are.

knifey said...

what's on tuesday?

knifey said...

oh, and You've Got What I Need..

don't stop with the compliments.

we luv it 4 eva.

sugar and spice said...

duck (there was a little pun in the last comment) i'll totally email you.

knifey said...

i got the pun, i just thought it was a little fowl.

You've Got What I Need... said...

Big compliments result in big heads... if were being punny that is. If not then sure, okay, I'll keep 'em coming Knifey. Wait was that another one? Shitfuckdamn I forgot.

knifey said...

my head has a limit on how big it can get, so we're safe.

any puns about cumming are welcome also.

i've never had an orgasm i didn't like.

You've Got What I Need... said...

Oh, no, you're on MySpace as well!

knifey said...

are you gonna send me a request?

You've Got What I Need... said...

consider yourself requested...

knifey said...

*disappears off to private myspace land*

Jess said...

Git orn it?

Sounds hot - count me in xxxx

You've Got What I Need... said...

And so it came to pass that Knifey and You've Got What I Need were made friends. Now, dance...dance...dance like you just don't care.

ms fits said...

I can't believe there's a freaking duck party happening on Tuesday.

Is it totally rude to invite myself? Or should I just give BookBook a chinese burn until he asks me?

fluffy said...

all this and a bookbook burning too. my work xmas party that night. if only i could duck out without drawing attention.

sorry. i used the pun already used. i'm so ashamed.

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