I've been waiting for La Nadine to get her sweet patootie down to Melbourne, so I can look at it and maybe even touch on it some.
And I've devoted so much time to thinking about it and looking forward to it, that it has manifested into my dreamlife.
How 'Celestine Prophecy' and fucked did that sound???!
My dreamlife?!
Anyway, here is my dream.
So there I was, hanging out in the kitchen, which was full of lights and broadcast quality video cameras.
Oh, and crew...just like a porn set.
And I was looking at a fish, and thinking "How do people go about cooking these alien creatures?"
Like, I know you take the guts out, and you cook it with the skin on.
You can even stuff its ass with herbs if you like.
But what do you do about the eyes???
Do you leave them in while it cooks in the oven?
And if so, isn't that the grossest thing ever???
Did I mention I was naked, by the way?
I was, just like I am now as I watch my sexretary type this.
Anyway, Nadine appears in my kitchen/studio/cooking show, and exclaims proudly "Check it out, I found your teleporter back in 1879, where I left my time machine!"
Did I mention she was naked, by the way?
Suddenly I turn to camera, and Bad Company's biggest hit eva comes cranking out over the studio P.A. (Cerwin Vega, if you're into that sort of thing), and I bust out the following song-
Baby, when I think about you,
I think about luuu-u-u-unch.
Darlin’, don’t live without you,
And your fu-u-un-bagz.
If I had those golden showers
Of my yesterdays...
I would wrap you in the heaven
’till I’m dyin’ on the way.
Feel like makin’...
Feel like makin’lunch!
Feel like makin lunch for yoooou!!!
Baby, if I think about you,
I think about luuu-u-u-unch.
Darlin’ if I live without you,
I live without fu-u-un-bagz.
If I had the sun and moon,
I would give you both night and day...
Of satisfyn’.
Feel like makin’...
Feel like makin’lunch!
Feel like makin lunch for yoooou!!!
And if I had those golden showers,
Of my yesterdays...
I would wrap you in the heaven,
’til I’m dyin’ on the way
Feel like makin’lunch
Feel like makin’lunch
Feel like makin lunch for yoooou!!!
And the whole time, I'm whipping her up the meanest Greek Salad you have ever seen in your goddamned life!
Did I mention we were both naked...together?
It was at this time she wrapped her mouth gently around my salty olives, and sucked them til all the pimento stuffing squirted out...all I could think about was what she'd say when I unleashed my fabulous chorizo sausage.
I have a strong suspicion my friend and yours, Sugar and Spice will have a thing or two to say about this post.
Anyway, that was my dream.
Now I'm awake, watching 'Sunrise' on TV, and waiting for my manager to wake up so I can tell him to never book me on a national TV show before 4 in the afternoon, especially one where I need the use of my vocal chords.
Sleep is just too valuable, and seeing as I'm never in bed before 6 am, morning appearances just will not do.
Luckily, my current schedule has roughly 0.0 appearances of any kind scheduled.
I'm so famous my website just went offline, and will probably never return.
At least hot Italian girls on Chapel street still ask me if I'm the guy from Jet all the time...I'll just let Mark do all the hard work, while I reap the hot, young, firm, nasty little rewards.
That's code for sex with sluts, yo.
My shopping list for today:
- Davidoff 'Cool Water' for men.
- Bulgari Black (because you can't wear cool water at night).
- 100 blank Cd's to back up the 30 odd gigabytes of porn on my computer.
- Lunch with Andrea the Hotness!!!
- Groceries that include food for once, and avoid anything tinned or frozen.
- An embroidery kit from a Hobby Store (I"m so not even kidding right now), and a...
- Bottle of Bollinger for my bosses, who have been so kickass and wonderful.
Because I have a 'sex provider only' xXxMas list, and you haven't given me sex.
It really is that simple.
Still, there are 3 sexxxing days left before xXxMas, so there's still time for you to sneak me in quickly.
Or not.
Anthony Callea is freakin' hot.
This is knifey, from 'the internet'.
4 comments:
OMG! i think that you just described the vision (drug haze) i had when i saw bad company play (heard their song at a party) back in 1879 (2001).
THAT WAS YOU?
that was the best freakin' lunch (trip) of my life. and the salad (sexXx) was da bomb diggy supreme!!!
Australian accents are HOT! I was misdirected er I mean REdirected to your blog from miss pink kitty.
You have a large lexicon of verbiage.
I applaud your nudity and kitchen skillz Knifey - Greek salad, such a wise choice: totally sexxx and completely without the danger of anything burning your rampant nude parts.
Kick it.
gully, it makes me so nervous when you put the terms 'rampant nude parts' and 'kick it' near each other.
don't forget the cherry tomatos, they are the greek salads secret weapon!
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