A Reason for Exercise.

Simon was working the counter of Dean and Deluca, making coffees, and serving endless droves of Georgetown University students.
This was his job, he had no other.
He wanted to be a painter one day...one day, but not yet.

He figured there's time for everything.

I guess you could say he was a pretty normal guy.
Normal, except for the fact he was fucking Ivanka Trump.
Normal, apart from that.

She would come in from time to time, and of all things, have coffee.
He would serve her, and treat her like a person.
It was that simple.

One day, while drinking coffee out of a cardboard cup, Ivanka decided she couldn't live without him.

"Hey." she said.
"Hey." he said.
(Young people nowadays...)
"My name's Ivanka."
"I am Simon."
And she liked that.
Like, he was the one and only, all-consuming, all-knowing Simon.
Like, "I am Buddha."
Very cool.

"Well Simon, I was wondering if you would be into doing something with me tonight."
There's no question mark, because that's the way she said it.
Like, "That's how it is."
"No." said Simon, the Buddha of Georgetown.

Insert uncomfortable silence here...

"Riiiiiiiight..." said Ivanka, not really having counted on this outcome whatsoever.
"Can I ask why?" Ivanka looked vulnerable.
(She looks best this way, but then you know that).
"All I want to do, is grab one pizza, one video, and go to bed with them both..."
(by way of explanantion). "...I need to hide from the world tonight."
Simon made a coffee.

"How about you forget the video, and we just fuck instead?"
She was polite enough to include a question mark this time.
Simon says "I could do that."

And do it he did.

I'm not going to go into detail, because this isn't reality tv. Suffice it to say, the pizza went cold, but was utterly demolished around 3.15 am the next morning.


So what happened next?

Well, nothing really.
Simon went to work, and made coffees for endless droves of Georgetown University students, as well as eating pizza's, watching video's, and kicking out the occasional painting.

Ivanka went to the aforementioned University and majored in Finance (she's a Trump), as well as going on holidays to St Tropez and Monte Carlo with her girlfriends, and modelling in Paris for Thierry Mugler.

Every now and then she would call, or pop in to the shop, he would take her home, and they would do the things
young people in lust do.

And share cold pizza.

So why am I telling you this?
I'll tell you...

No matter how dull or insignificant your life feels, you just never know when a glamorous and beautiful
international model, is going to want to fuck you.

And that certainly is a warm feeling, isn't it?

You'd better start working out...




This is knifey, from 'the internet'.