Max & Betty- an Evil Love Story.

maximillian was an evil overlord who lived on top of a mountain.
the mountain was called 'mount plague'.
he had a girlfriend called betty.

they met when she answered an ad in the local paper for a hearse cleaner.
she'd worked at a carwash the summer before, and figured hearses were just big cars.
maximillian owned ten.

after seeing betty wash his cars in her cut off jeans, bubbles in her hair, and her t shirt nicely soaked,
maximillian did what most evil overlords would do.

he masturbated furiously.

betty caught him at it, and being a cheerleader, she followed the porn directors code, which clearly stipulates that any and all masturbatory activity accidentally interrupted by hot carwash girls, has to be immediately remedied
with oral sex.

she was very good, having practiced on brad, billy, bobby, chuck, mikey, moose, and everyone else in the football team.
and maximillian fell in love.

betty was happy to go out with someone different. besides, "maxi" had ten big, muscular cars.
and so it started.
all was not well, however.

betty would go to high school, or to the mall with her friends, while the jealous maximillian watched her with his telescope, from high atop mount plague.
he would page her at the craziest times, and cry jealous tears down the phone line.
he was insane with insecurity.

betty thought it was sweet at first, but it all ground her down, eventually.
she tried to talk it through, but it's not easy talking down maximillian.
"kneel before me!" he would say.
betty would invariably take this the wrong way, and pleasure him orally.
nothing would be resolved.

it all came to a head (so to speak) one day, when betty awoke to find everyone in town had been "neutralised' by maximillians henchmen.
everyone she'd known, her whole life, had been destroyed by a jealous order.
maximillian thought it would make their life together easier.
he was just too naiive.

betty ran away to florida, where there are a lot of dirty cars.

the fbi came for maximillian that very day, and took him to a secret building downtown.
they conducted weird experiments on him, like cutting off his arms and legs, to see if they did evil things on their own.
maximillian was a mummy's boy at the best of times, and the shock promptly killed him.
his arms and legs weren't really evil.

Just misunderstood.