Marcus the Liar.

marcus kept a diary.

in it, he would write all about his sometimes girlfriend the supermodel, calls he received
from famous hollywood friends every day, and life on the road as the guitar tech for the
biggest bands in the world.

he would write lies.

he kept this diary very neat, and included a list of email addresses for famous people,
(all of which were his, under fake or assumed names) in the back.

for example:

bono - thedevilyouknow@u2.com,

Robert downey jr - whitelines@bettyford.com, and

amber valletta - ouch@fordmodels.com.

sometimes he would write a cellular phone number too. this would connect directly to one of
several prepay mobiles he'd bought in america, permanently switched off, and routed to
answerphone.
he had a faithful and talented co-conspirator who would record the messages perfectly.

"hey, this is henry rollins. i got up at 4:30 this morning so i could work out and write books, so i'm not anywhere near my phone.
you can leave me a message, or hang up and get a life.
eat your vegetables, or i'll kick your ass...*beep*".

very slick.

the other thing he would do, is he would leave this 'diary' in coffee shops after he'd
finished his salad and chinotto.
he would leave it where he knew the cute waitress would find it, and not call in to
get it again until he was positive she had had time to read it too.

he would give his younger brother $50 and a phone, and tell him to go in to the shop,
watch him eat and leave, and to call him once the waitress had her head stuck firmly between
the pages.

then, he would go in the next day, and ask her if he'd been "stupid enough" to leave his
diary there the day before.

he'd be fucking her back at his apartment by dinner.
...every time.

when he got sick of said waitress, he would tell her he had to go on tour again, and that as much
fun as he was having, he really hadn't planned for it, and regrettably had to "call it a day".

"i can't be thinking about you when jon bon jovi needs his guitar fixed in the middle of a song",
he would say.
there would be tears, as the beautiful waitress saw all her dreams of being a celebrity go
flushing down the toilet (clockwise in the northern hemisphere).
and the next day he'd be eating salad somewhere new, with his brother watching from the other
side of the room, $50 in his hand, and a smile on his face.

family values.