How Stupid do you think we are?!

.
.
.
FORGET THE REST...



USE THE BEST!!!



The thing that blows my mind is, the example of 'the rest', was the same shit they were flogging us on late night TV last summer! (As well as looking not entirely dissimilar to a B-2 Stealth Bomber). Is this a conspiracy?



Did you think people were so stupid, they wouldn't notice that the thing you're telling people is played out and doesn't work, is the same thing they have under their beds, after believing you the first time?!

Like, duh!

And why are we so stuck on getting/maintaining abs anyway?
They have to be the most useless muscle group to work, they seriously don't need to exist for you to operate and be healthy, and even strong.

It's like saying having bushy eyebrows are your ticket to a fitter healthier you...and we have an entire industry that preys on your insecurity about it!

The other thing that boils my blood is when they say:

"Here we are at the beach, and we have a bunch of people who are not paid actors. (Even though all of them speak to camera, have no shyness at all, and not one of them does that cool thing where you hold up a 'v' sign behind your friends head like a pair of rabbit ears, denoting the fact he's a dick, and you totally own). We're gonna find out what these guys all think about the ab-generator 6 bazillion!!!"
And all of these obviously paid actors give it a try, and talk about "reps", and "the burn", and "muscle groups", and "feeling worked", and all those other terms you and I use every day.

Or even better:

"Here we are in the lab with Doctors from the Swiss Institute of Health, who are testing out the effects only the Fat Laser Death Star System can offer."
And you have a bunch of poindexter-ass looking motherfuckers with like, clipboards 'n' shit, taking notes while some punisher on an exercise machine flaps around so he can afford to go to the real Swiss Institute of Health and run up a mountain, instead of Studio Z-99 in Burbank, California where he is now.

I think I might start a database of celebrities who lie to their fans so these companies like Danoz direct and Guthy Renker can suck you in.
My guns are aimed at Jessica Simpson, Elle MacPherson, Vanessa Williams, and Stephanie Seymour. Next time I run into any of these girls, I'm gonne let them know I think they're total doodie-heads. They're all definitely off my birthday party invite list. Tough, I know, but I have to make an example of these parasites...

Eat whatever you like in moderation, exercise often, and you too can look like me (ie: mega-rad).



No weird machines, no special diets, no pills. And you can have it all for 5 easy payments of nuthin. That's right! Nuthin! And if you call now, I'll throw in a free knifeyard cd, hand burned from my cd drive to you.

I have to say though, seeing Tony Robbins (Get the Edge!) infomercials actually have made me feel so much better about myself.
Because I swear to Christ, that guy is such an alien, he makes me feel like the World Standard Measurement for Normalcy and General Averageness.

In the immortal words of that barometer of social barometric pressure, Steve Stifler, comes my retort- "Suck me, beautiful!"




This is knifey, from 'the internet'.