The Dynamics of Cowardice.

A lot of people live their whole lives in fear.

But the strange thing is, they are so out of touch with themselves and reality, that they have no idea anything is amiss.

I have a friend who is a social worker, and who used to work for child protection.

She is an incredibly strong and caring person, and we get to talk about life and the people who spoil it for us from time to time.

She wrote:

"I was thinking about your comment the other day, when you stated that ‘people very much disgust you’. You seemed disappointed and disheartened by people’s need to identify themselves within a superficial and social framework that completely denies them of greater wisdom and ‘realness’. I must say, I do agree with you and sometimes maybe this is yet another reminder to us, that we have mastered the concept of self actualization. By this I mean, we have heightened our own awareness to the factors that destroy our social fabric and in fact are comfortable to define our unique traits as individuals. Therefore don’t lose hope. This is clearly a time for you to celebrate your continued path of wisdom. At least we are not intellectually static but in fact are able to critique and self direct."

Just for the record, she talks the way she writes. It can be pretty funny if she's telling you what she bought at the shops today, with language like that. But she knows me better than anyone.

And she's right.

In order to cope, or in order to 'get along', or in order to 'fit in', most people emulate the behaviour of others (whether it's what to buy, how to dress, or what to watch on tv), and in some cases, they even emulate bad behaviour.

It's called peer-pressure, and people here in Australia suffer from it well into their golden years.

So when you see the boys, out on the town, and they're irresponsibly drunk, and pushing each other around, and being obnoxious, society says it's ok, because it's just 'the boys letting off some steam after a hard working week'.

But it's not ok at all.

These people are acting irresponsibly, and selfishly, and they are setting the example that it's ok for everyone to get tanked and holler abuse at passers by if you like.

We've all seen these people. You might be one of them.

Do you buy Levi's?

Why?

Do you have a big-name car?

Why?

Do you go out drinking on the weekends?

Why?

Have you ever even questioned yourself?

Why?

But it goes so much deeper than consumer behaviour, and mob-mentality social typecasting.

People have so many fears, as I mentioned, like not fitting in.

And being alone.

And not being accepted.

And even being wrong.

And it's these quiet fears, that really make a person who they are...it's what subconsciously drives them, and it's what defines them.

For many, they never go past the boundaries of their fears.

And this is where gossip comes in.

It's very easy, to make up a story about someone, and set it loose.

It's incredible how quickly those lies grow wings and take on lives of their own.

And it's amazing how, for something so destructive, and so hated by so many, these lies are adopted by the same people who abhor them, when they aren't about them.

A rumour is a lie that anyone can create, they need no authorship to be taken in and accepted.

And they will live for as long as the subject does, sometimes longer.

Why do they exist?

That's easy.

Because someone out there, is too much of a coward to say what they actually think to your face.
They're scared of confrontation, and they have been injured by your rejection, or your honesty, or your indifference to them.

And so they hurt you with a rumour.

I have a rumour currently circulating about me, and that rumour is:

I beat women.

The real fact of the matter is, I don't ever care enough about any woman in particular to get fired up and abusive, not that I would anyway.

If I am close to someone, I am notorious for not having any buttons to push, in order to fire me up.
I don't get angry, or emotional at all. And that in itself has frustrated many of my partners, as some of them saw some kind of correlation between how angry/upset you get, with how much you care for them.

I find it incredibly easy to walk away from people.

I don't stick around to argue, I just leave.

And people hate that.

They hate it that I can just walk out of their world, and never think of them again.

It shatters their ego, and makes them scream for vengeance.

The main perpetrator of the dissemination of this piece of gossip is one of the most deluded people I have ever known.

We were acquaintances at one time, I would have called us buddies.

I used to see him out, mainly when I was on the town with the girl I was seeing at the time.

He was a perfect gentleman to my face, but i was shocked to discover he had gone behind my back and told my girlfriend she should leave me, and that I was abusive to women.

As soon as I found out, I walked up to him and told him that I knew, and that I didn't want to know him any more.

He denied it.

But it didn't stop there.

He kept spreading this rumour, and more and more people would come up to me and tell me, in total disbelief, that this individual had told them.

I approached him late one night, and asked to his face what his problem is, as in, what's it going to take for him to shut his mouth?

He denied any knowledge of the rumour, or any involvement with it. Point blank.

I was so furious, but i didn't hit him, as much as I wanted to.

He is a very sickly looking person, and frankly, I would destroy him.

I told him that he was lucky I'm not at all the way he paints me, or I would have taken him downtown in a big way.

He was terrified, and said breathlessly "If you touch me, I'm going to the police".

This is interesting to me- he can attempt to destroy my life and reputation, but if I acted in reality the way he was alleging I am, he would involve the law. Kind of contradicting himself.

Either way, it was only through my mercy that he didn't get badly beaten that night.

Fast Forward, to tonight, and he's at it again.

On a discussion board I log into when I'm bored out of my mind.

He said "I know he won't hit me, because he only does that to girls".

And I'm thinking "Now wait. This guy is basically crowing in my face, that I cut him a break, but also still spreading malicious gossip about me".

He is taking advantage of my good nature.

And that mouth of his is challenging me to knock his teeth down his throat the next time I see him (and I see him a lot).

He is hiding behind the fact that I told him he's not worth my physical attention, and taking advantage of that break, to insult me more!

What could possibly be short-circuiting in his head to keep pushing his luck like that, especially after getting punched in the face by someone else I know, just last weekend, for having a big mouth?

The answer: fear.

He has said a lot on discussion boards about me, and has always included the allegation that I contribute nothing to this world.

And that's the key.

He accuses me, of the thing he fears most.

I called him deluded before, and I meant it.

I meant it, because even though he is universally regarded as being so bad at singing, that the term 'singing' should no longer be used to describe it, he still maintains to all that his "music industry contacts" all assure him he has a fantastic talent, and that a record deal is just around the corner.

Please...

I like watching him 'sing' at karaoke, especially when it's a U2 song.

It's so painful, it's comedy gold, but the strange thing is, he's standing there, wine glass in hand, totally oblivious to the fact people think he's actually being that bad on purpose.

He's on top of his own personal mountain.

God, I wish I could do that...like that guy in the Matrix, who cuts a deal with Agent Smith.

"Ignorance is bliss".

I have no doubt that he believes the things he says, no matter how untrue they are. he really does believe that deal is just around the corner.

But his subconscious knows better.

It knows who he really is, and the exact limit to his talent.

It knows that people don't respect him, and that he is considered to be pretty much worthless in the great scheme of things here in Melbourne.

It knows, and it is terrified.

It is terrified that he contributes nothing to this world.
It is terrified that he really is a talentless, bitter, deluded narcoleptic big mouth, who is too soft to ever back up his own words.

And it sees me on the TV, or on the radio (well, I was last year!), or being talked about by this girl or that girl who has decided I'm flavour of the month for that month, and it is jealous.

It sees me as everything it thinks it has an automatic right to be, and it wants to tear me down, with baseless allegations that in the end only serve to make him look bad in the eyes of all the people he has told, and who took the time to get to know me for themselves.

And it is that, which makes me not care what he says about me, or what anybody says about me in that regard.

If i actually did something, I would be very penitent, and I would do all I could to make up for it.

I am a conscious human being, and I don't let myself away with bad behaviour.

And I am aware there is a long line of people who have not measured up to my strict moral standards, and who I have rejected, that seek to "get me back" any way they can.

But there's nothing wrong with deciding to have nothing to do with disrespectful or dangerous people.

The irony of all this is, I saw this person in question one night, after he had shot his mouth off about a guy I know.

Let's call him Tony.

Tony was furious, and wanted to belt our protagonist right there in the bar.

Tony would have flattened him for ever.

But I broke up that altercation, when no-one else would.

The person that saved this idiot from losing his teeth was me, and you know what?

After that, he only got worse.

Dented pride can be a killer, oh yes it can.

But the funniest thing about all this gossip is this-

I have always had gossip about me.

It's what happens when you're not some office drone robot stereotype, when you live every day to create something, or to be yourself and fuck what the world thinks about it.

When you're an individual.

People say I beat women, or I'm dangerous and unpredictable, or...whatever, because they're a guy who is jealous, or a girl who doesn't want another girl to ever like me again.

It's always aimed at making girls hate me.

And the crazy thing i have found is, the more gossip you have about you, the more girls want to find out for themselves (they're very rebellious you know)

I get so much attention from girls who "have heard such-and-such" about me, that without it, I would be a nerdy geek who gets no luv 4 eva.

The more you gossip, the more you (would) get me laid (if I actually gave a crap about getting laid).

So by all means, keep it up. I know you're reading this.

You too idle, you pathetic little shit-stirrer.

I'm proud of who I am, and what I've achieved, and no jealous little cunt-rag that none of you would ever have known existed had I not brought him to your attention, is going to diminish it.


This is knifey, from 'the internet'.