Save the Last Dance for...well, someone else I guess...

I've just completed a couple of decades of intensive study, and have concluded that nothing means anything.

nothing, therefore anything.
anything, therefore nothing.

I got some news last night that left me chewing over the biggest of questions, namely "What's the point"? Of anything, I mean? Thank Christ for good friends and loud music, is all I can say. And you know I meant it by the way I used a capital C for Christ.
That's commitment.

Some people get off on the impermanence of it all, electing to 'enjoy the now' instead.
But that pisses me off- I want something that will last, something that won't rot, fade, break, tear, dissolve, fall over, or suddenly announce it's getting married when you broke up less than 6 months ago.

Yeah, I said it.

The supreme ironing of it all is, that if I did find such a thing, my mind is hard-wired to avoid them. I am completely incapable of liking anything past some preordained time-frame. Who preordains it is beyond me, but they do, because I refuse to accept responsibility for all the smouldering wreckages of relationships I have crashed by the side of lifes highway.

Did you like that? I thought it was pretty good!

Anyway, back to my being miserable...
My first thought was "I guess it's over then".

Like, DUH times a gazillion-thousand!!!!!!!!
It kinda ended when I rang her and said "I can't do this any more, I want to break up". It ended when the tone of her voice intimated that that was fine, and that she wasn't even slightly surprised. It was over when she said she wanted to stay in touch, but disappeared and never emailed again. It was over when she started seeing the guy from her airline. It was even more over when I saw her in Melbourne on her annual leave, and she talked to me like I was about as exciting and loveable as the most tedious object you could ever imagine.

But we still hold out hope, don't we?

Looks like it's time to give that up.

It's a crying shame, because one hour before I received the news, I was lying on my bed thinking. And what I realised was the only time in my whole life I had ever found complete happiness, as in, nothing else matters and right here is where I want to be happiness- was when I was with her.

Having said that, I'm glad she's happy, and figure this guy must be someone really special and mega-yay. I don't even want to break his nose or anything! It makes me feel pretty good to know she has found someone that she likes that much, her life must be pretty beautiful right now. And that's a good feeling.

*Subject Change*

Continuing on in the tradition of posting totally unrelated pictures at the end of my blogs, here's 2!!!

1. I made this, and think it's pretty handy. I want someone to please leave me a comment that says "nice rack". The mysoginist in me would like that very much.




2. The coolest tattoo I have ever seen, especially considering it's on a girl. Girls who like Star Wars are so unbelieveably sexy, I simply can't believe it. Sexy!




Here's to a lot more 'sexy' in my life, and a whole lot less listening to 'Entreat' by The Cure on repeat. Especially Track 8. Oh God, stay away from Track 8.




This is knifey, from 'the internet'.