El Grande.

I wrote this aaaaaaages ago on myspace, and thought I'd drag its sorry ass over here, seeing as I'm thinking of deleting 'over there'. It is entitled:

picnic beside the stream of consciousness....

whoa.

i woke up at 5 am, and everything felt different.
i'm moving out of my awesome 2-storey victorian terrace house here in melbourne today, i guess my body wanted to spend some time with it to say goodbye. it's the end of a mini-era.
era lite.
bye bye polished wooden floorboards, high stud, deep leather architraves, sandstone wash walls...

and my head is overtaken by memories.

have you ever had that feeling, where you are so inspired, and so in love with the world again, and your heart can't take it, and it just breaks? right there in front of you?

everything is laden with layers of meaning, and i feel so alive for the first time in months. sure, there was a girl involved, the emirates flight attendant. but we'll leave her out of this one.

it's freezing this morning, but i don't mind. i've been eating noodles, which reminds me of my time wasted in japan, doing nothing but art crime and australian ski instructors. i'm reminded of this time a lot, because i eat noodles a lot. oodles of noodles.
i eat them with chopsticks, which, while i'm proficient at it, let's just be honest here...a fork would be easier.
but i just keep on keeping on with those chopsticks, living in a past moment i was too out of my head on drugs and busy running from the authorities to have had the courtesy to have lived in back then. how rude of me!

i was always a late bloomer, in everything.


against my better judgement, i'm listening to music, and looking at my life in boxes around me.
i arrived in australia 3 years ago, with nothing but the clothes on my back (now in box 28 - 'wardrobe '5'), and 12 guitars (roadcase on wheels, the size of my old apartment in osaka).

so let's begin...

* this is my religion - gene farris.
i love how a heavily tattooed rock singer can sit in bed with flannelette pajama pants and a motorhead tee shirt on, listening to gene farris, and it doesn't have to be ironic.
in years past, people who listened to house music and its bastard children were very much of one sort (hi cuba street kids in wellington, new zealand!). i should know, i dealt to them every night, twice on weekends. but now, if you DON'T listen to gene farris and tibetan throat singing's greatest hits, then you're an idiot, and worse still - boring. feel the shock! witness the horror!

*growing on me - the darkness.
shut it. i told you i was a late bloomer, and i meant it. i remember when i first saw the video for this song, and i thought "what? you're born from space eggs, and now you're in the stately manor in bletchley, england (around the corner from the marshall factory), playing yawn-inducing guitar solos, wearing all the clothes i donated to the salvation army back in 1991? hasn't this been done before?"...on and on thru the niiiiiiiiiiiiight!
i didn't think anything more of it. but then one day, i was at 'shake some action' at 161, and streetparty played it (right after le tigre, but we'll get to them), and i JUST LOVED IT. like, i stopped thinking, and then i loved it. unconditionally. like a mother loves her child. and that's how it should be. if you have to think about music, it suxxx. like schoenberg. sure, it makes me look like i really know what i'm talking about on the nine inch nails forum, when you can name drop the O.G. of math industria, but let's be real about it - no one listens to that shit. not ever. sure, it's very clever. but it suxxx.

*the thong song - sisqo.
go on...admit it. you LOVE this song, even if he does eat dolphin steaks 'n' shit. i'm immature, so i sing it as 'the schlong song', at the top of my lungs, every time. it's 6:43 am, so i guess that officially makes me shit to live next door to. just like the aqua teen hunger force!

*digital bath - deftones.
how anyone can sing this high without breaking into a falsetto is beyond me. chino, if you're reading this (and for all i know, you probably are), can you stop raising the bar for a second and just relax??? i used to work in a cheese factory when i left high school, and i was very eager to please (kirsty, at the sales counter). so i worked really hard, and did everything mega fast. and all the other factory guys said "knifey - pace yourself, you're making us look bad". well chino, that's you my friend. release something average, just once. please. actually, i lied when i said the cheese factory guys called me knifey. truth be told, my nickname was b.p. -brown penis (because clearly i'm ghey). so now you know.

*deceptaconz - le tigre.
i told you we'd get back to this, and here we are! 'deceptaconz' is such a tuff name, and deceptive as all hell. just like knifeyard (we play folk music). i have no idea what le tigre look like, but in my mind (where i like to holiday), i can fully picture some cute electro clash girl jerking around screaming into the mic, being really angry, and everyone standing around smiling and being happy, coz she looks more like a cute puppy than g.g. allin. this is a good thing. i also like how i'm allowed to like them now, like gene farris. first gay marriage, now this. we're gonna be ok after all...

*i love acid - luke vibert.
this takes me back to the days of la luna and general sceney - pretension that was wellington, even though this song hadn't been released back then yet. i have to stop what i'm doing and just let this song play whenever it comes on. for this reason, i never include it in mixes for the tour van. i have to admit though, i find the way you can hear his voice behind the vocoder really annoying and amateur, like those songs you get on british electronic music magazine cd complations, where they record it all in their room in brixton, and it just makes you want to kill yourself, coz life there is so god-awful and grey (morrisey is a product of his environment, trust me). i also hate 'purist trap' by patio for indulging in the cliche's too heavily, but that's just me. you probably love them, and hate me now.

*maps- the yeah yeah yeahs.
this is her song, so we won't get into it. *bursts into tears*

*straight outta locash - cb4.
shylo taught me everything i know about body modding. we lived together in a huge apartment (complete with rooftop bmx ramp and rabbit petting zoo) that was above the turkish restaurant i used to maitre d at. this place was awesome, and shylo and i lived there with nic the wannabe i.r.a. hitman and mandy the painfully sexy hardcore porn actress. i'm not even kidding here.
anyway, one day, after too many nights of no sleep and too many horse tranquilizers, we set these huge slabs of polystyrene on fire while listening to this song. within seconds it was so dark in there we couldn't see the windows any more, and i ordered an immediate evacuation. everyone left while i tried to put the fire out in total blackness, with nothing but m.c. gusto and dead mike's voices to keep me company. i managed to do it somehow, but passed out because when you burn polystyrene, the gas it gives off is xyclon-b, made popular by the nazis in extermination camps across europe last century. anyway, cb4 are rad.

*the metal song - shihad.
they're called pacifier now (late breaking news: pacifier have changed their name back to shihad). man, this song is so mixed up. it's got that shihad rock-boogie, and the usual lyrics i can't stand, then it breaks into the 'shihad chorus' (believe in what you want to be...), which is like a massive monument to anthemic rock choruses everywhere, and at the same time, diametrically opposed to the song in which it is a part of. i love this band, i even love this song (just for the effect it has cerebrally, and coz karls bass playing is freakin xxx rated exxxellent). i've toured with them a couple of times, and their live show blew my pants off every time, night after night. but they have yet to release a record i would classify under 'good'. still, they're hanging out with tara reid and jay from orgy, and i'm sitting here typing this for you, so who's the dick in this scenario (me, but at least i can spell scenario assballsface).

*out of business - EPMD.
this is one of those mp3's i have that i will never delete, and is great to do your housework to. but at the end of the day, and as much as i dig on hip hop, i couldn't give less of a fuck about what eric sermon and paris smith are up to. next.

*DJ krush, ed rush, & optical - untitled.
holy crap, i love drum'n'bass. i wish i knew what this song was called, coz it is such an amazing track, i want all of you to have it. also, because it's the only record that came out of this label that didn't have mc gq on it. he's a fucking punisher, believe me. drum'n'bass is like rock and roll used to be for me. when i was 16, i went to the record store and bought my first record. it was duran duran's 'seven and the ragged tiger'. but i tell people my second was my first, and that record was led zeppelin's 'the song remains the same'. i used to lose myself in this record- it was so intense, it demanded your total attention, eyes closed. and that's what drum'n'bass does for me. it also makes me want to dance (like really good hip hop), and i don't dance. so that's really saying something.
just listen to everything any of these guys have ever done, and you'll be right.

*all systems go - boxcar racer.
yes, i DO like it. i was working on a blink 182 tour a few years back, and on the first day, i said to my friend ross that i was gonna kick tom delonge in the ass. this was because at the time, everyone i knew said we looked identical (this was proven true when i walked out on stage before they came on to do a mic check, and the arena shitted itself). anyway, he walks in backstage in the afternoon before soundcheck, and i got scared coz he's a really big guy. i'm 6 foot 2, and his shoulders made mine look utterly inconsequential. so i didn't do it, and i looked like a chump in front of my man. anyways, i loved their show (coz i have the mental maturity of a grape), and got swept up more and more in the fun pop-ness of their (allegedly) punk ways. now i'm a total fan (although if i had my way, mark would never sing again), and as a result, i love boxcar racer too. oh - the shame!

*no, not now- hot hot heat.
how could anyone not love this song??? the lyrics make about as much sense as a duran duran song, "but nobody cares". this is my vote for best pop song of 2003, hands down. totally free, joyfully energetic, infectious, and mega rad 4 eva! now you know why i don't write music reviews. i wrote "oh no- she's not a secret now" on my old firebird in letraset as an homage, then after i played a show with it, i smashed it. that's rock'n'roll for ya...

*father speaks - handsome boy modelling school.
please listen to this...it's as funny as strong bad on homestarrunner.com, and that's really saying something. "if it wasn't for prince paul and automator, i wouldn't be the model i am today...and hopefully tomorrow. and i'd still have 60 dollars.". classic! anyways, this album reminds me of my 2 bonnies.
bonnie 1. is my old friend from nz, who has an asian face, and long curly blonde hair like that canadian singer amanda marshall. hottt. her dad is one of nz's most famous artsists, and she's a photographer, when she's not off in the jungles of laos, smoking opium, and having sex. i love her, she's one of the best friends i've ever had. and just to prove it, i totally lost touch with her. so if any of you know bonnie flaws, message me now. thanks.
bonnie 2 is the love of my life. i met her when she was only 18, and fell hard. she looks like linda evangelista meets christy turlington in a paddling pool full of warm jello. we were together for years, even when she went to spain and london, and i waited. but she was the right girl at the wrong time, so i broke it off, and she started seing my best friend. that was 5 years ago, and they're not only still together, but they have moved over here to melbourne, and are in love. i think that's great. he's the best, and she's the best, so it makes me feel really good to know they're looking after each other.
god i'm lonely...

*a dignified rage - superheist.
superheist are a running joke in australian musical circles, especially since that episode of the osbournes, when ozzy scooped up dog shit from the living room rug, using a copy of their 'identical remote controlled reactions' cd. i think you can take this 2 ways... fuck! i wish ozzy would touch my cd - even if it is to scoop up shit with! this song is fucking awesome, but in order to enjoy it, you have to take it out of context, and ignore all the talk, and the fact that technically, they play nu metal. it's got that eerie, clean p.o.d. style guitar tone in the chorus, that is even heavier than fear factory, and a nice little piano riff at the end. i like their guitar player a lot, mad respect. i heard they broke up. probably for the best, but it's still a shame too.
this entire album reminds me of the beginnings of my band, back when we hadn't played a show together yet, and we had all these dreams and aspirations. superheist were like, where we wanted to be, and this album hits me with such strong nostalgia, i can literally smell it. since then i've played guitar for more than 10 million people here in australia, and that's just in the last month. and i still feel like a failure. life's funny, ain't it?

*bitter and twisted - amon tobin.
this guy has the rare abilty to send tingles up your spine to the point of actually transforming you into pure electricity. it would take me 6 lifetimes just to programme the drums on this song, let alone everything else. his press says he's brazilian, but he's brazilian like "alrite mate? innit..", if you know what i mean. nice vibraphones. like everything that was ever released from the ninja tune label, this record is amazing if you like acid. for this reason, it consistently reminds me not so much of parts of my life per se, but rather individual trips i've had, back when i was a drug fiend. i doubt it would make for interesting reading...is anybody even reading this? hello?

*yankee rose - david lee roth.
hahahaha! steve vai, making his guitar talk! i used to be so impressed by this, back when i couldn't do it. seriously though, anyone who played with frank zappa has my respect 4 eva. one of my myspace friends claims to be david lee roths daughter, i don't know her well enough yet, but if it's true, it's pretty cool! (i'll still love her if she ain't though yo). when i was 16, all i did was play guitar. i failed school, and i just played guitar. it was like an amazing dream, just to play, and love guitars so much. i had posters of stratocasters on the wall, and i would literally SALIVATE when i looked at them. i was so poor, the idea of ever owning a fender one day was like the impossible dream. now i own about 25 guitars, some of which i made myself ( i used to do this for a living). i never touch them if i can help it, and when my room is set up, they stare at me angrily from the corner of the room, while i look guilty, and act busy. i think i'm over playing guitar, but i'm riding it out in the hope it's just a phase. anyway, this track takes me back to a simpler, much less pecuniary time, when all i wanted was a stratocaster, and practicing double-handed fingertaps on my old $100 marinucci hollowbody took me to another place entirely (before i smashed it and set it on fire).

*X3 - x-generator.
in the days before knifeyard, i took some time out. i kicked drugs altogether, moved into a 1 bedroom apartment, didn't tell anybody where i was, lived on delivered food, and just recorded electronica in my home studio for a year. it ranged from industrial (the real thing, not n.i.n.) - no guitars, to acid jazz, to freaky 'head' stuff. X3 came out of those sessions, and to be honest, i hadn't heard it for 4 years, until right now. i forgot how great it is, if i may be so ego-rampant. it's impossible to describe, so i'll find a host for it, and when i do, i'll post the link here. I renamed it Atari of Blood! Go listen.

*system virtue- emma paki.
if you're not from new zealand, this will mean nothing to you. and if you are, but you haven't heard this song, you should be ashamed of yourself. for real.
emma is a maori, and in this song (and also spiral in the sky) she manages to totally avoid the cliche of the maori songwriter working within the popular western music genre. it's just a pop song, but it's mandatory listening for kiwis, because it has this holdover from the 80's production thing, with way too much percussion, a horribly chorussed out guitar, cheesy congas, synth, and a paul young-style fretless bass experience. i know i'm making it sound bad, but it's not, it's the sound of a bygone new zealand, and it's more precious than anything. reminds me of marmalade studios back in the day, when recording there made people go "ooh!" and "aah!", even though this record was recorded up the other end of the country. emma paki makes me cry, she's so amazing. so glad she included a traditional maori flute in this song too..
interesting side note: emma pronounces "canvas" as "canvrrse", predating scott stapp and layne staley by at least 5 years.

*dose - knifeyard.
goddamn i-tunes! well, here i am, listening to me. i don't normally like doing this, coz i'm my own worst enemy, and i tend to beat myself up quite unmercifully. this song is off my 'pictures from the floating world' EP, and i really like it. the song, not the EP. the EP is a horrific pile of shit for so many reasons. the production is abysmal, i sang the whole thing out of my head on prescription drugs- i was so out of it it was amazing i even showed up, let alone got it done. and that's what this song is about. i had a doctor who was so pill happy you could ask him the time and he'd prescribe you some morphine. i'm allergic to anti-inflammatories, and he knew it, but that didn't stop him from prescribing me some (chronic back pain). i went into a coma, and that's what this song is about. interesting factoid (for aussies): ths track has ella hooper from killing heidi dropping the backing vocals, back when we were still speaking to each other. oh, the times we had. ahem...

*black elvis - kool keith.
when i discovered kool keith, i thought i was the man, coz none of my friends had ever heard of him (except for paul berrington, uber DJ, and music geek extroadinaire). then i make some friends on the internerd, and every nigga is down. oh well, it was fun while it lasted. this song reminds me of coming home after going to elijah wood's 21'st birthday party, and explaining to my ex girlfriend that even though he was touching my ass constantly all night, that he's not gay, and it's just a 'lord of the rings' thing. for a bunch of heteros, those guys sure like squeezing each other on the ass a lot. so now you know why it reminds me of kool keith.

*sonne - rammstein.
this song is amazing, and the video is amazing.
i was working at a music festival in NZ called the big day out, where rammstein were headlining, a few years back. i thought i'd make full use of my AAA pass, and watch them from side of stage. bad idea. the tour manager wasn't one for jokes/fun/anything that didn't involve being pissed off, and he threw me out. as it turned out, i was glad he did, because 10 minutes later, most of the stage was on fire, including the lead singer, who, in true teutonic style, didn't seem bothered by it at all. i have loved this band since i first heard them on the (awesome) lost highway soundtrack. mega-yay.

*call a wave - malcolm mclaren.
this is the sexiest song ever (second equal to 'so now' by herbert with dani siciliano), but don't ever try having sex to it, or you will both crack up laughing (or so i've heard). for a guitar player, i should be ashamed, coz this is the only song i have ever heard with jeff beck in it. talk about a mish-mash! this whole album is really awfully frightfully good, considering if someone tried to describe it to me, i'm positive i'd hate it. sometimes you just have to make your own way...

*lust for life - iggy pop.
or, as we in australia like to say, 'are you gonna be my girl', by jet. this song reminds me that i love rock and roll more than anything, and that it's time for me to get off this blog, as liberating as it is, and go do something back in the matrix. one thought though: you know that movie "strange days"? well, if i could jack into someone elses experience, it would be iggy pop, playing live. the shit that must go through his head would be worth millions if you could bottle it. or, it would be p.c.p. either way, i want me some.




This is knifey, from 'the internet'.