Knifey knows how to PARTY...

...he just elects not to.

Allow me to tell you about my day so far...

It was hot, apparently.
I say apparently, because I woke up at 4pm, and didn't leave the house til 6.

I went grocery shopping, and saw this girl who had the worst fashion sense you have EVER SEEN, caked-on makeup, and ridiculously high heels.

In the supermarket, fer chrissakes!!!

Clearly, I fell hideously in love with her, and am even now feeling sad and sorry I didn't at least say hello when she smiled at me by the toilet paper.

I came home and made my patented 'on-tour meal', which I call:

knifey's orange dairy bean pudding.

Ingredients:

1 can of baked beans.
2 cups of frozen vege mix.
1 cup of grated tasty cheese.
4 heaped tablespoons of sour cream.

Method:

Throw in a wok and melt it all together 'til it's orange, then serve on buttered multigrain bread.

Everybody says "Urgh! What is that shit you're eating?" when I make it, but curiosity invariably gets the better of them, and they try it.

Once you taste it, you will never waste it.

After creating and eating this orange masterpiece, I watched 'Ice Age'.
And I cried my ass off at the end when the Mammoth gives the human his baby back. Gets me every time, I swear.

Then I farted, and I felt a lot better.

Here's another confession: I'm watching 'Notting Hill' right now, and ohmigod I love it, almost as much as the Monster Showcase on Larry Emdur's Wheel of Fortune.

And I do love me a Monster Showcase.

I have to go to work right now, then I'm off to see DJ Dereliqtue at Ding Dong, so I will no doubt update when I get home.


DJ Derelicte...all 3 of 'em.

Wish me luck...I'm probably going to meet BLOGGERS!!!

Well!

Meet Bloggers I did!

After I finished work, I made out with the bosses hot Assyrian sister.
That was hotter than Hades, and just my little way of fostering better relations with Iraq.


That pin didn't stay on for long.

Then I made my way to Ding Dong, looking messier than your first sharehouse, and saw the following peeps:

• George from Lucky magazine, AKA: 'Derelicte 33 1/3'. Nice!
  

• Book Book Cheep Cheep, AKA, 'Mr say all the right things, 2004'.
  

• The Sheriff- now I see what all the fuss is about...he really is better looking than me! Talk about moving violations!
  

• Clem Bastow, who I knew already. She was practically naked, and everyone was glad.

• Some stupid fuck from Mono.net who wanted to fight me, until I stood up and said "sure!" Thanks for the let-down, cock-sheath.

• Cam, who I also met on mono.net. Me likey Cam. Cam = good value.

• My man-crush Toby, who I have totally blogged about before. No link for you, ha-ha.

• Mark Wilson from Jet's hot sister, who is one of my favourite ladies eva. I want her to be my Mommy.

• Sugar and Spice, fresh from her work office party! Alas, no photocopy from her to me.

Apparently Buck Fudd was in tha hizzle, but no-one introduced us...maybe at the BBCC XXXMas Pizarty!?

I ran away to Pony after that to see the awesome and incredible Jed Whitey play the 3am upstairs slot, and was very, very impressed. So impressed I stole the singer for my new band, Disgraceland!

I also saw Peta, who manages The Cyclones (among others), and who is so heart-rendingly beautiful I don't think I can stand it.
We chatted for all of 5 minutes, and I'm not sure I heard a word she said, coz I was just standing there in total awe.

Happens sometimes...

Then I had to dash home because some e-d up 19 year old was trying to touch my ass, and you don't get to do that without my permission.

You know those incredible, hot nights, where you don't want to go to sleep, and you just want to party for eva?

Well, tonight isn't like that.

Not one bit.

G'nite!



This is knifey, from 'the internet'.