Gay Homos Who Fuck Men's Assholes with their Cocks.

I must be one, because this blog is all about the boy who broke my heart.

His name was Eddie Van Halen, and he was a guitar player.


Seriously- total radness.

Actually, there was a time when he was the greatest and most innovative guitar player on planet Earth. He was famous for his pyrotechnic guitar abilities, his killer smile, his marriage to Valerie Bertinelli from that TV show no-one remembers any more, and the fact he wore matching stripey guitars and dungarees.

Oh, and he was Dutch, like all cool people.

But I've just heard a track (entitled: It's about time) off the forthcoming album, and it SUXXX INCREDIBLY.


Suxxxors.

Of course Sammy "I was abducted by Aliens" Hagar is in there, which just jinxes it right off.

When the song starts, you would totally swear it's a new *Limpbizkit song!!!

But it's like, Eddie is just going through the (same old) motions, only now he's tired and old, and dare I say it, irrelevant.

99% of 15 year old kids who play guitar in emo bands are better guitar players than Eddie now, I just don't get it.

And Sum 41 write better songs.

Think about what I just said.

Eddie, I know you read my blog, man...

Get back on track with Diamond Dave, kill Hagar and Cherone, get some guitar lessons from the kids in Coheed and Cambria, and get Dave Stewart to write you some songs, like he did for Anastacia (and everybody else on planet Earth).

Because you're a loser now, and you broke my heart, and that's so uncool to do that to someone who has loved you for 20 freakin' years.

I had the Van Halen logo on my bag at High School, and all the other kids would laugh and point because they thought you were a Rennaisance Painter or something, and coz Wham! and Michael Jackson were all they cared about.

We're over Eddie.

I'll mail you your undies back.


*Don't try and correct me, Limp Bizkit officially changed their name to Limpbizkit.
I read the Velvet Rope, I know all.



This is knifey, from 'the internet'.