Well, I have talked to a lot of people about this post, and received a few emails too, where you, my readership, put in your 2 cents worth concerning what you'd like to see in a phone.
The people have spoken, and knifey is listening!!!
I hope you have broadband, coz this post is gonna be grafix heavy yo...
S'right! knifey International is pleased to announce the birth of a truly unique leap in technology...a phone so advanced it makes the Siemens E800 and the Motorola V70 make pee-pee in their pants!
Check out the future- the all new Xda-3.
Looks pretty standard, right?
But peep these features yo!!!
The Xda-3 come fitted out with some madd-futuristic shizzle, all in one sleek and sexy design...
Flips open to reveal a wireless broadband enabled 60-kazillion gigabyte mega PC...
...an electric shaver...
...a taser...
...movie camera...
...iPod...
...Boss drum machine...
...Swiss Army knizzle...
...circular saw...
...robot arm...
...Gibson guitar...
...600 DPI Laser Printer...
...Pepsi can dispenser...
...and a freakin LASER BEAM, all as standard !!!
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD !!!
But That's not All !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hell No. Would I leave you hanging?
The Xda-3 can burn Cd's and DVD's, print 16 mm movies/broadcast quality video/photo quality prints, is bluetooth compatible, and even has a motherfuckin' fire extinguisher to cool off all your jealous friends and workmates !
Imagine their faces when you're kicking back in your office, shooting the shit via direct videolink with Sergei on the International Space Station!!!
You can talk, shave, tase, film, dance, cut, grab, jam, print, drink and fight all day, while laying down phat beats with your homies, on the built in Boss drum machine!!! The earpiece in this unit is so loud you can hear it in your living room, when you're on holiday in Kreplakistan!!!
And best of all, it's not only as easy as pushing a button to sever your Optus or Telstra contract, it even pays off the outstanding amount of your account!
This phone is for the people, and it's free.
Here's what you have to do to receive your free phone by teleporter:
- You must be a Liberal voter.
- You must be able to go back in time.
- You must revisit the recent election.
- You must vote Labour.
Simple, isn't it!?
What's that you say? It's not simple?
What's that you say? You can't do it?
Well I guess you're just gonna have to suck shit then!!!
This has been a knifey production, in association with the letters S, E, and X, and the number 69, with an extra special homoerotic shout-out to my main homepiece Krankiboy (who I have never met, and probably never will).
'SPECT !
This is knifey, from 'the internet'.
6 comments:
That's all very well, but if it doesn't have a toilet roll dispenser, or a Pez Dispenser, I don't want one anyway.
Five hours well spent!
Caitlin
It's not a laser pointer Mookies, it's a Laser BEAM !!!
This sucker could blow the roof off the Death Star and still have enough juice left to videoconference with Head Office in Nigeria, and practice Dokken riffs on the Guitar!!!
knifey, my electric razor broke two days ago, and as a super-busy young liberal, I often need to make important calls to constituents whilst shaving. Do you have a product that might suit?
Fuck YEAH!
Word. The specs look good. I guess there just wasn't any room for the pulsating "shoulder" massager. But I gues if the taser were set on low...
Clem you look cute with curls.
Mad Love to all's who be my Aussie posse.
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