This one's about VAGINAS.

In 'Y Tu Mama Tambien', Luisa the hot 28 year old protagonist, said "Make the clitoris your best friend."
She said this to her utterly lust-struck road trip companion Tenoch.

His reply is classic, all-time, perfection.
"What kind of friend is always hiding?"


"Mmmmm...boobs."

In the Battle of The Sexes, oral sex is the front line.

Sure, penetration (or should I say 'orgasm') has received a lot of press, as the focus for sexual combat. It's 'Sex and the City', not 'Head', after all.

But the thing about goin' down is, it's the ultimate power trip.

Go on, deny it.

When someone is going down on you, you own them.
Sure, there is a lot of trust involved, letting someones teeth linger dangerously close to your pink bits and all...
But getting head is all about you.

You can just sit back, be pleasured, and all you have to do is cum.
This generally isn't too hard. Even a moron can handle it.


Whoever drew this has never seen a real woman.

It is reinforced by the fact when someone pisses you off, you don't say "let's have sex together".

You say "blow me, asshole".

To the point: If you read Cosmopolitan or Cleo (I'm a subscriber to both), you will generally come across a lot of talk about how men are clueless in bed.

Stories abound, of poor Sharon (24, Sales Consultant)'s attempts to educate her hapless boyfriend Eric (28, Advertising) in the ways of the punani.

No matter how long he explored her velvety womanliness, he simply could not get a lock on her clitoris. Ever.


"Maverick, this is Iceman...I have missile lock on your clitoris."

Which brings us back to the top of the page, and the plight of poor Tenoch.

I am very anti this 'blame the guy' approach to sex.
If you know anything about sex (and believe me, I do), you will know that the number one key to making it good is- *drum roll please* communication.


Oh my God, Latin women are SO FREAKIN HOT right now !!!

People are different, what works for your last partner probably won't work for this one.
Chloe liked it hard and direct, but Olivia likes it soft, with a whole lot of teasing.
Chloe liked you pinching the living crap out of her nipples and ramming a greased rolling pin up her asshole, Olivia likes the vibration from when you say "mmmm", and a gentle upward movement with alternating angles of 45 degrees.

If Olivia doesn't tell you you're doing it too hard, and to put the rolling pin back in the cupboard, neither of you are in for a good time.
I'm not saying she should have to verbally tell her lover, there are other ways of communicating, like showing, or directing.
But if nothing is said to him (and this is often the case), then Olivia only has herself to blame.

From personal experience, I find girls generally like to wiggle their hips around and execute cute little girlie thrusts, and for the inexperienced head-giver, this equates to a total nightmare.
Men don't have eyes in their tongue, sometimes it's a bit like trying to pin the tail on a real donkey, blindfolded, in a snowstorm, while the donkey does everything in its power to run away from you, then right into you, then away again.


Try this - it's easier.

Poor, poor Tenoch and Eric.

At the end of the day it all comes down to the age old argument 'Seat up Vs. Seat down'.


Read it and weep, mofos.

Men can't read minds.
They really can't.
They would love to be able to, believe me, but they can't.
Women think men should read minds, but they can't.
And because they can't live up to this impossible expectation, women get angry at men.


I have totally run out of witty comments.

This is the crux of all inter-genderational* communication breakdowns.

Perhaps there is a perception that directing your mans technique constitutes dirty talk, and is un-ladylike?
Maybe it really is just assumed that men should 'just know'?
Either way, it is problematic, and doesn't actually help anyone.

Incidentally, this isn't directed at anyone in particular, except for those women in Cleo who bitch and moan because their partner couldn't read their mind, and had a hard time hitting the spot, when they were doing their best, and just needed a little help.

I've known a hell of a lot of girls who didn't have a clue when it came to reciprocating too, believe me. As The Osmonds once sang "We all need a little help sometimes."


How hard do I rule, digging up a totally rare 'Osmonds Live at the Tivoli in Stockholm' poster!?

I would like to introduce a new saying into common usage.
"Don't be shy- tell your guy".

I think world peace could be achieved this way, I truly do.




This is knifey, from 'the internet'.

*not a real word.