Random Observations from Knifey Street.

I know I normally crap on about sex, drugs, more sex, and some rock and roll if there's time, but I'm not in that kind of mood today, and seeing as I keep kidding myself I maintain this blog for me and not for you, I'm gonna talk about what I'm really thinking about tonight, so strap yourselves in for a ramble.

I have this amazing Aunt, called Donnie.
When I was a little kid, she was a hot teenager (no, I'm not going there- some things are sacred), and she'd babysit me.

I adored her.

Now, she's all growed up and married, and has her own kids.

My family has a very dark past, which for once I don't really want to go into.
I don't want to, and to be honest, I can't, because no-one will say anything any more.

There is a wall of silence in the Vanderwerff family that is impenetrable, even if you're part of it.

This stretches to the extent that even things that I vaguely remember from my own childhood are out of bounds.

Things like being locked up and raised with all the juvenille offenders, being psychologically and physically tortured by my mentally unhinged step father, not seeing my Mother for years...that sort of thing.

I'm not divulging this to score sympathy points, because I'm totally over it all, and don't let any of it dictate who I want to be (apart from the residual insecurity of it all, but that's only partially in my hands...)

I'm just saying it because it's weird, and because today, I got to talk to my cool Aunt Donnie, and she said she was going through the same thing.

Her Mother (my Oma) committed suicide when i was young, and for the both of us, there is no information or background available, even from her sisters (my Mother and Aunts), and her Father (my Opa).

Wall of silence.

Don't get me wrong, we're talking about good people here.

All of my Aunts and my Mother, and their parents also, were amazing and respectable people. It's just me and my cousins who turned out bad (if you live here, and used to watch Australia's most wanted, you'll already know my cousins- they were on it most of the time).

But it was the best feeling to just open up and REMEMBER with Donnie.

To talk about the things that we knew.

Like, it wasn't just a dream after all, albeit a gory and traumatic one.

And to feel like you're not the only one frustrated by the reality of having a family that won't let you know them.

I don't 'do' family, and they don't really like that much.

They have get-togethers and celebrations, and even some of the kids have had kids (even though I'm by far the oldest).

I just tell them "look, you're nice people, but I don't know you".

I don't feel like I have a family at all.

And that's cool, I'm ok with all that. But it was great to share experience with my Aunt. She's family to me, her and her 3 sisters, and that's about it.

She said the most beautiful and inspirational things to me today, and by far the most was this-

"There is beauty everywhere in this world, and in the hearts of people".

Maybe that sounds like a regurgitated hippie platitude to you, but to me it found a place in me, and it stayed there, like I had been waiting all my life to hear it.

And I realised it's the only reason i haven't given up and followed my Oma into death.

Because while I'm here, I want to find, share, experience, enjoy, encourage, and repair, the beauty in the hearts of people.

And I'm so lucky, because through this blog, I have come into contact with amazing wisdom, genuine concern, selfless hospitality, inspirational thoughts, you name it.

Granted, I know you all even less than I know my family, and you may not be as nice to everyone in your life.

Maybe you have secrets, or have done terrible things. Maybe you have done terrible things today.

I don't give it thought, because I know I have come from a background of being a heartless, violent thug in the past, and I know that with enough encouragement and support, even a heart like mine can shine and be real, can radiate positivity, and learn new ways of being, that don't involve hatred or violence, or fear.

So as much as I like to joke around, and try to be clever with words, and show you pictures of boobies, I love the fact that we can all gather here and be better people.

And I hope that we can take that positive outlook, and that character, and that honour, and go out into the world and spread it around.

We strengthen each other, and I hope we can take that strength and use it where it's needed.

And i think we can.

I know I'm trying.

I have beauty in my heart, and as frail and imperfect as I am, I know this beauty exists, because once there was none, and i see everything differently now because it is there.

We have never met, and we may never, but I want to share it with you, and that's why I do this.

And i guess the reason y'all keep coming back (now, ya hear?), is because you want me to keep it coming.

And now, here are some pictures of things I have seen this week, that I love love love...


The leaves are turning yellow. I had no idea watching something dying could be so beautiful.


This car is mine, and it doesn't even know it yet!


The most beautiful woman alive. I think she's aware of this.


I love being in magazines, because it saves me the money and the effort of going out and getting things printed myself.


That car again...ohh la la!

I'm off to see 'The Gear' at the Rob Roy now, have a fun time without me!

3:27 am:

I can't go to bed and not tell you this!

I went to the Rob Roy to see the gear (for the first time). I absolutely adore watching Brett Wolfenden play the drums, and I also adore it when he comes up afterwards, this bona-fide rock star, and asks me if I thought it was ok.

What a nice guy!

Anyway, my friend Greg had arranged to meet me there.

I got in at about 10.30, give or take, and Greg swayed in at about 10.40.

I say 'sway', because Greg was wearing a dress.

I was furious.

I have a lovely dress at home, and if I knew it was crossdressing night I could have pulled out all the stops and looked AMAZING, but oh no, Greg had to pull it out of nowhere and surprise me.

He looked good actually, I'd do him.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, there was a blonde girl there who was cute in an "i work in an office" way, you know, she's cute coz Kitten or YGWIN aren't in the room, and she's trying to kiss all the girls.

She's so drunk, she keeps making the "Oh my God, I'm gonna puke" face, followed quickly by the "Oh no, it's cool, I ate it" face.

Mmmmmmmmm...

She was also giving every guy that looked at her the evils something wicked (except me- she tried, then got scared and ran away).

I'm so tuff I frighten drunk office wenches in bars, yeah!

Anyway, Greg walks in, and I verbally lambast him for showing me up, but he gives as good as he gets, and reminds me I always had the option of reading his mind, and that it's not his fault I don't have E.S.P. (which i secretly do).

He also pointed out I had plenty of time to hire a team of Private Investigators to go through his trash and find out about this plan weeks ago, so I guess I only have myself to blame.

Thus chastened, I go to the toilet (no photos this time, sorry).

As I get older, I find it increasingly hard to crap.

I have to rock back and forth, or sit on one cheek, and even then there's no promises.

I had been in there all of 5 minutes, when I heard the door open, and a female voice saying "in here!".

The stall door next to me closed, and I could hear slurping noises, and lots of feminine "ooh!"ing and "aah!"ing.

They continued kissing for a minute, then GREG SAID "I'm not like the other girls".

I tell you, I almost crapped then, but I didn't want to give myself away.

As quietly as I could, I stood on the toilet and looked into the next stall, and there was Greg and the office girl!!!

In a dress!!!!

Office girl said "What do you mean?", and Greg pulled out his mangina.

Greg has a big cock, so I could see it clearly from where I was, but office girl looked confused, as if she wasn't sure it actually existed.

"Hey! Um...you're not meant to...um..."

"I'm special" said Greg-in-a-dress.

He sure is.

I'm not going to tell you what happened next, because I'm not a they had sex.

Shit.

I didn't stick around though, I wanted to see the band more than ropes of Gregs seed decorating the stall, besides, he might have accidentally (on purpose) shot some in my eye.

He's a crack shot with an erection, and I didn't want to fall victim to his perverse sense of humour (again) (don't ask!).

For those that care, The Gear were cool, and British India were cool also.

I was extremely cool, as evidenced by all the hot girls in attendance who didn't either talk to me or give me their phone numbers (because I'm so cool and they're so in awe of me and shy'n'that).

I rode to work after that, now I'm home, and as much as I love 3OM, I'm bitterly dissapointed to see she is my only reply!

What happened to the good old days when certain people would comment on every pic as I tried to upload it, before I had a chance to cut and paste them into a blog story?!

What's with you people all having lives without waiting on my every word?!

Just kidding- I hope all my readers are having the most asskickingest weekend ever, and that much good times are being mercilessly enjoyed all across the world tonight.

Addendum: is an important sounding word I use when P.S. would do just fine.
Also, apologies to Bou and 3Om who left me comments, i deleted them accidentally, as I had to do the whole post again in a new page, as the internal Blogger formatting on the last one was crapping itself.

Don't you hate it when it does that? Like, as if it's my fault the HTML tag isn't closed! You did it Blogger, so YOU FIX IT!


This is knifey, from 'the internet'.