Round two- 'ding ding!'

I don't like the word "random". I just decided this this morning. I don't really think there are many random things left in the world, it's just a word kids use to describe something that doesn't fit into their limited worldview. Everything is inspired by something, so when a person says "That's pretty random", what they're really saying is that they just don't see the connection like you do. There's a word for this, and it's "Duh".

I'm not being very generous, I know. That's not good of me. If there's one thing I have learned this year, human people just don't see particular things until..well, until they can see them. Like a girl who keeps going back to the guy who beats her, because once in a while he actually acts tender with her, while every friend she has is pulling their hair out in frustration, wishing they could make her see she's worth more than that, and that what she has isn't love at all. It's sickness. She can't see that, and she won't see it, until she sees it. I don't know what it is that regulates the 'seeing', or the time when it occurs. I'd guess that being ready for the consequences of seeing have something to do with it, like maybe we DO see everything, but the part of us that decides what we can handle or not filters out most of it until we're ready to deal. That would make sense. I know on some level, when I have finally seen things, a part of me has gone "Yeah, that makes sense, I was kinda thinking the same thing for a while actually".

I've had the biggest epiphany of my life in the last week, and because of it, everything has changed. I'm not sure how much of it I want to detail, as for the first time in my life, I'd really like to keep something to myself.

What I will say, is that I realise now how much unwarranted faith I have had for humanity up til this time. That sounds negative, I know. And I guess it is. But I don't mean it that way. I guess what I mean is that for reasons I still don't comprehend (maybe to simply not go crazy?), I have always given people a lot more credit than they actually deserve. As much as I knew people couldn't generally be relied upon to do the right thing (due to the gravity of greed, or fear, etc...), I never allowed myself to fully see how weak we all really are (unless we choose to act otherwise). This isn't an indictment from on high, I'm as bad or worse, I'll say that right now.

People aren't only weak, but narrow-minded.

Melbourne being as multicultural as it is, and with me being the little globe trotter I am, I have been lucky enough to see a lot of differing ways different ethnic/cultural/religious groups of people think and behave, firsthand. And what I will say before I say what i was about to say is- they all have very strong reasons for thinking and behaving the ways they do, and it's obviously right for them. But the sheer diversity of ideas on thought and related behaviour suggests the answer could lie with any one of them. Or none of them. Or a piece here and another piece there.

What I want to say about that, is- when you think along the lines of just 'your group', be it ethnic, religious, or otherwise, you're putting up a wall around yourselves. And when we put up walls, for sure we're safe from the outside, but what do we see? All's we see is a wall, that's what. That's putting a big, fat limit on how much of the world you can appreciate and understand, it's like wearing blinders. Trust me, I know- I just took mine off. And the view is...well, it's pretty shit actually. Because now I'm seeing the full extent of the damage in all this "I'm Greek, from the best nation on earth"/"I'm American, from the greatest nation on earth" thinking really is.

It's cool if you love your country, but why do you have to better, or the best? Because where the arbitrary borders of your particular country end, there is a whole world that continues, full of exotic and wondrous things and people. And if you're better than all that, then you're ignorant, and that sucks for you, because everyone who isn't like you, is going "Wow! Check out how fucking beautiful the bosphorous is!", and "Japan is a fucking trip!" I'm not even going to get into how retarded thinking you're a superior person because you're simply from a country is, or worse still, if your parents or grandparents were, and you've never left this one.

Or even thinking you're a superior person at all.

We're all the same shit in different bags. Some of these bags are aesthetically amazing to look at (refer to my last blog for more on this), some have intense cognitive abilities, some make sounds that can lift up a persons emotions, some can move really fast. All types of us. And none are the best, if anything, it is the diversity of us, that makes humanity so special.

I'm not naiive enough to think anything will change, especially not from this blog. As usual, I'm thinking out loud, and if someone comes along and reads it, and gets it, then we've connected, and I thank you for taking the time out to check me out.

So, the point is, I see all of this for what it is now. I couldn't before. I couldn't see it for what it was, i saw it as my fault somehow (and that somehow I'm keeping to myself). I saw the closed minds of others as something to do with me, when in reality, I'm just not that important! (Sigh of relief!) I have held onto so much insecurity trying to rate and to matter to people who are totally physically incapable of seeing me, unless I squeeze myself into the narrrow framework they have constructed around themselves (or had handed down to them).

I thought for years and years that it was me, and that I wasn't good enough. And now I think "Good enough for what?" Why waste precious moments of my one life on this earth, pursuing a blind ideal? An ideal that can't see me unless I am in a magazine or on the television? And when I am in a magazine or on television, why am I suddenly and only then worth knowing? and why would I want to know someone like that at all? Seeing as I'm the one in the spotlight at that time, by their way of thinking, shouldn't I not talk to them, because they aren't?

What a waste of time. So, the upshot is, with lower expectations (or none), so too will my level of disappointment be lowered. And without wasting my life on worthless pursuits, I can now focus like a laser beam, and realise all of the half finished projects i have lying around.

I'm really looking forward to the second half of this year.


This is knifey, from 'the internet'.