Oceans of Kansas.

when you think about it, sea creatures can grow as big as they want to.

there really is no limit, in a vast, cold ocean.
no gravity.
they can just grow and grow.

maybe god is just a huge satellite-dish of flesh, that lives on the ocean floor at the bottom of the mariana trench,
feeding off all the rotting matter that drifts down from above,
and transmitting his thoughts to crazy people via telepathy.

his mouth could start at venice beach and end at cape town.
he could have a tentacle in each of the seven seas, and one just floating around wherever,
just for the hell of it.
he could have offices in sydney, brighton, and atlantic city.
god can fart geothermal.

maybe god is just the oldest animal alive- the one we all came from, the proto-everything.

the virgin mary impregnated by sperm in the bathwater.

baptism, loaves and fishes, walking on the waves, noah and the flood, fisherman disciples, revelations style seas of blood,
tears of the devoted, jonah and the whale- it all comes together, in a nicely packaged, hydrous kind of symbolism.
jesus the fish, scuba christ.

that's probably why there are so many flying saucers over the american midwest.
there used to be oceans over kansas, when there were dinosaurs.
maybe that's the last place the aliens saw god.
they've just kept looking ever since.

They should put up posters.
"have you seen this deity?"

the tides are just god breathing.
and every time you go swimming at the beach, you get a mouthful of his piss.
there's your communion, right there.

praise god for sodium chloride.

that must be why the romans crucified jesus at golgotha, waaaaay out there in the desert.
...far away from dad.

jesus - "father, why hast thou forsaken me?"
god - "what's that? i must be going deaf! sounds like jesus, but i can't really tell. can't hear shit underwater...
fuck it, he's 30 fer chrissakes! he's a big boy, i'm sure he's fine."
jesus - *dies*.

if you want your prayers answered, make sure you've got lots of bait.

probably why the middle east is at war all the time, too.
the only sea is the dead sea, and god's not going to be hanging around there, is he?
it's much more fun out at the great barrier reef, or fiji.

jesus said he's going to rise again.
i don't know who he said it to, but he said it.
if you don't believe me, just go ask anyone.

and there it is!
you can't 'rise' from heaven to here.
irrefutable proof that god lives underwater.

if you really love him, on judgement day, bring a towel and a hot mug of coffee. Get in with him before all the mess starts.

he'd like that.