The Biological Imperative.

Fucking.

There you go- for once I start with it, instead of talking about other things til I inevitably get around to it.

The desire to fuck (when unrepressed), is one of the strongest forces in human nature. Trumped only by jealousy and greed, although inextricably linked to both, it is more than anything else, the driving force behind being a human person.

Actually, allow me to amend that. Not the desire to 'fuck'. The desire to get off, with someone you desire.

And you know that feeling...the start of the fine weather. Clothes come off or are minimal, people start hungrily giving each other eye contact after a long winter of 'not much', 'nothing at all', or worse still, 'someone you're bored with'.

It's tangible.

Barriers fall over, as you open yourself up to new people and experiences. Nights get later, boss gets mad at you. You spend a lot more money on drinking. Fad diets. The gym.

And your body is right there in the cycle...heart beating faster, blood thins, racing through veins and arteries, breath comes quicker. Staying home is not an option all of a sudden. So everyone hits town with high hopes and expectations of hot sex with exotic people, and are brought crashing back down to earth when they remember (like they do every year) that they are still the same person. They're the person they wouldn't fuck if they were someone else, given the choice.

Clearly I'm not talking about 'the beautiful people' here. They can get laid satisfactorily on an ice sheet in the middle of the day if they feel like it. Perks of the job.

One of the things I think about a lot is how sex and self esteem get so tangled up? If left unmanaged, depression takes over, and there they are, depressed and unhappy in their life because people don't want to sleep with them. Or worse still, people do, but they can't see it, because they don't see anything how it really is. Like anorexia.

If it wasn't for the desire to attract the opposite sex, do you really think anyone would buy a Lamborghini? Would we all voraciously keep up with each other materially? Seriously, if people didn't really care about attracting each other, imagine how different this world would look! Mobile phones. Why? I don't care if I miss your call. If we're friends we can catch up later. No big deal. We'd all be a lot heftier. Books would be back in vogue. Fashion models would be redundant. They'd be fat too. No need for alcohol. Peer pressure gone. People thinking for themselves! Crazy.

Aesthetics would be a dying path.

Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. I'm the biggest aesthete in the known Universe, trust me on this. But without the desire to attract or be attracted, I know I'd change. Like hobos who just give up, and grow massive beards with dreadlocks, and not talk to anyone. Hopefully personal hygiene would remain intact, but somehow I doubt it.

The world is the way it is now because of social interaction. If humans were able to succesfully fertilise themselves with no risk of the problems associated with inbreeding etc, we'd all be quite militant and aggressive toward each other, not cooperative.

I'm not saying it's all easy out there. Women and men have very different attitudes to sex. And even when women are like men in their thinking about sex, even then they're still different. It's crazy. I will only sleep with certain types of women, I don't care how lonely or horny I get, I have standards. Most guys don't. Women have standards, but they're crazy, unknowable standards. And for different women, it's a different standard. For some, if you like a different sports team, you're on your own. For others, they can be so hot for you, and totally naked, but if you use the word "cock" instead of "Rod", or "dick" instead of "schlong", then it's over. They're getting dressed, they're walking out the door. Men scratch their heads like monkeys when this happens, and wonder how one word could be such a turn-off. No man would ever say no to sex with a woman just because she called her pussy a "cunt". Some like it even more! I was propositioned once by a flight attendant who wanted my "big nasty cock" in her "little pussy meow". Aside from thinking she had some type of developmental impediment, and as odd as it was, I didn't get dressed. And it makes me laugh to remember it...the mental image of an angry chicken getting stuffed into a cat.

I have a really hard time with sex. Once in a while I'll let someone in, and we'll go there. And every time, there emerges something in their personality that wasn't apparent before...something that makes me not want to go there again. Clingly, weird, demanding, selfish behaviours. So I don't allow myself to have sex very often.

Besides, I'm super picky.

Like I said, I'm an aesthete, and so only girls that rip my head off physically get a look in. I absolutely refuse to settle for anything less than what I really want. It might bear no resemblance whatsoever to what you might like, but I don't do it for you, I do it for me. That's why there aren't many blondes on my track listing. Lots of latinas though.

But there are limits to that too.

For a month or so now I've been getting calls from a girl who looks like this:






...and for all intents and purposes, is a lovely, cool person.

The back story is, I fucked a friend of hers late last year. This friend and I are firm friends, and would have done it again from time to time if she hadn't fallen in love with someone awesome and good for her. Where I was at then, I had no hope of holding down any kind of relationship, and we both knew it. So we just had fun instead. Obviously, girls talk, and I guess I got a good report card, because Kelly told Asha to get in touch, and find out for herself. And so she did.

She knows she looks good though, so a few things she does reflect that. It doesn't matter if your Oliver Martinez, Vin Diesel, or whoever, she believes you're lucky to get her attention. So she'll call me, and EVERY TIME, she'll answer her other phone, or say "I'll call you back", so she can go pick up her photos, or anything at all really. Anything non essential, anything you'd normally get out of the way first, before calling someone you're intrerested in dating.

I give good phone. I know this. When I talk to other girls I'm interested in, it's not uncommon for the conversation to go on for 4 plus hours at a time, with both of us ignoring all interruptions in favour of enjoying our moment.

So with this girl, after a few times of this happening, I told her I wasn't interested in meeting up for date numero uno, because I'm worth more than endless "I'll call you back"s, and if she doesn't see that, I think the best thing is for her to go date someone else. No animosity, just "I don't dig being treated that way, so good luck". Of course, being used to getting what she wants with everyone else, this only made things worse, and she called me even more.

It's weird how if a guy keeps calling after you've asked them not to, it's stalking, but when a girl does it, it's called "caring about you". And so she asks if we can start again, to which I repeatedly say "I really don't want to. I've seen enough already, the fact you'd do that in the first place is very significant to me. I don't want to meet you".

Like a red rag to a bull.

So the phone calls keep coming, and eventually against my better judgement, I relent, and say "ok". But I'm angry at myself, because I know if I do meet her, I'll just be doing it for her, and that no matter how amazing she is, I'll just be looking bored out of my mind and wishing I was pretty much anywhere else.

She said she'll text me her number, as I deleted it when I told her I wasn't interested the first time.

Three days pass, no text. I'm not even close to being surprised. I know what this is. It's a power game. As long as I say "no", I'm the biggest catch in the known Universe. When I say "yes", I'm still interesting and dare I say desirable, but there's no hurry, because her ego is basking in a quiet victory over there. Like when you break up with a girl, and they give you nothing but hate and vile smelling shit, but theystillwant to know if you love them, or if you're seeing anybody. Power.

So today she calls me, to make plans for our date this Sunday. Obviously, I couldn't give less of a crap if I tried, but I played along, why I don't really know. and then she says "Oh! There's something in this shop I want to look at, I'll call you back" -click-.

And I'm looking at my phone in utter disbelief, while not really being all that surprised in actuality. It's a funny expression, you'd like it.

If you're planning to call someone you want to impress, and you see something you like, you go look at it when you're finished, or even at the same time. Right? Is that asking too much? Not treating me like a convenience store or a call centre?

So she calls back and says "So how about Sunday?"

My reply-"Not ever. Delete my number, please don't call me again. Good luck". -click-

The power balance has been reasserted, not that I ever wanted to look at it that way in the first place. And the worst thing is, she's obsessed with this idea now. I'm the thing she wants and can never have, so it's just gonna freak the fuck out and warp all over the place in her mind. And if she had've just listened and been a teeny bit respectful, she could have met me and seen what could happen.

What a waste of time.

So as much as from time to time I'm chomping at the bit with unbridled lust (horses, much?), and wishing I could find someone delicious to fill up with me, I'm not going to give up on my standards or self esteem to do it.

I think my friend Tim called it: "Looks open the door. but personality is what matters". Damn straight. And if someone has a personality that doesn't work for you, it doesn't matter what they look like. It's like a supermodel with vomit on their face (although I definitely know people who would go there anyway!)

I'm not one of those people.

I love beautiful things, and even desire some of them. But not because I'm weak and can't say no. I can say no anytime.

"No."

I still hope someone comes along that makes me say "yes". Still, the waiting is all part of the fun too. Foreplay of a sort.

Hurry up girl, or I'll start without you!



This is knifey, from 'the internet'.