(-) Negatif (-)

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you will know I end up talking quite a lot about acceptance...it seems we as people just can't get by without it.

The more you get to know a person or persons, the more you have to take the good with the bad, and just ACCEPT, in order to get along.

It's clear that without acceptance, people just would not ever talk to each other ever, let alone make sweet love down by the fire.

It is, if I may wax philosophical (or metaphorical, or is it allegorical, I can never tell), the glue that binds us.

And just like literal glue, this is a problem for me.

What this all boils down to, is that every single one of you, and every single one of me, are all total bastards, given enough information and a long enough time line.

That's subjectivity (the other thing I invariably crap on about) for ya!

There is a saying that goes something like 'you never truly know someone til they owe you money', and i can fully feel it. To a lesser extent, even disagreeing with some people is enough to set them off, but more on this in a bit.

I have lost a few readers since I logged in here for the first time, a few months back.

Some I have offended, some I have bored, others don't come by any more because they hate me, and a few come by even though they do.

I'm fine with all of it.

And for the purpose of this post, it suits my purposes perfectly.

You have people that start off with a massive crush on me, who think I'm an amazing writer, and a bit of a badass.

Then they spend some time with me, and they realise I have an horriffic tendency to cut people out of my life instantly and totally if they do not measure up to my standard of morals.

And then they are gone for ever, out of knifeyland, never again having to put up with my bad jokes or odd temperament, because they fucked up, and I'm not taking their calls any more...or letting them in when they camp outside my house.

And after a day or two, they realise they actually like it, and that the only reason they were cut at being shown the door, was because their ego didn't like it.

I think most of us have this, I only have it more, because more people have crushes on me than you, and I am formidable at finding faults with people that make me hate them irrevocably.

Segway.

And two things that make me hate someone irrevocably are:

1. Violent talk/behaviour (directed at me/someone I care about), and
2. Being caught in a lie.

1. If someone speaks violently about any organism that I hold regard for (myself included), my back goes up, and I am pretty much ready for war.
Anyone who has shared a messageboard with me knows this (and I know a few of you are reading this right now).

I just won't have it, and it's one of the fastest ways to make me hate you.

2. I don't mind people lying to me.

Face it, it spices things up, makes life more interesting.

I'm pretty sure my old hippie next dooe neighbour didn't really know Led Zeppelin personally, but you know what? I'd much rather think that he did, and if he'd rather I thought that, it'll be my pleasure to accomodate him.

But if he contradicted himself, or if information came to hand that he didn't actually know them, while both of us were in the room?

That's the test.

It's all in how a person reacts...

People first deny it.

Then they say "you must have misheard me".

Then they try to convince you that you must have forgotten what they had actually said to you, or that it was misunderstood.

I have never met a person that has said "Ah! You caught me!"

If I did, I'd still be friends with that person.

But all the people that have lied to me are gone, not for lying, but for their reaction to being caught out.

Where's their honour?

These are things i can't ACCEPT, won't accept.

These are things that seperate me from a lot of other people, and guarantee that I'll end my life with no friends to speak of.

These are the things that seperate you and me, or at least, 2 examples of things that do, given enough information, and a long enough time li...oh yeah, I said that already.

I caught a good friend in a lie tonight, and i called them on it.

They went through all the motions, denial, blaming me, etc, and they got so rude and defensive I ended up showing him the door.

I don't tolerate people who repeatedly interject when I'm talking- it shows no respect at all.

Problem is, now he's gone, and I FEEL BAD.

I really love my friend, he's one of the good guys, and I know it was only his silly insecurity (over nothing) that made him lie so badly in the first place.

So what then?

Should I have let him be rude to me, due to his defensiveness/embarassment?

My pride says "no".

My pride says if people want to talk to you, they should show you the same respect you show them, and not interrupt, or waste my time with denials.

How cold-hearted am I?!

People deny and interrupt when their in a panic, and don't know what to do. They justify every other fact they can, apart from the lie, so they don't feel like utter cunts for being caught out.

A bit of understanding could have gone a long way. But no, knifey has to be all about respect and honour, when the rest of the world hasn't operated on those principles for the last thousand odd-years.

Quandry.

Another example (Holy shit this is a long post! Does this guy ever fucking end? How about a brief synopsis? Some of us are reading this at work, yo!) was my housemate, who is moving out any day now.

He wanted his girlfriend, the rude bitch who has been staying with us for 2 weeks now, and who not only hasn't bothered trying to get to know any of us or help out with anything, but who actually LAUGHS at you if you say something as innoccuous as "hello", to move in.

Of course it was a unanimous vote for "no".

He was livid, and said "If my kind aren't welcome here, you can all get fucked!"

His kind?

Wait, we let him move in, didn't we?

And we let her stay, even though she's a bitch from Hell, didn't we?

He's made a point of getting in everyone's faces, being rude/obnoxious/threatening.

I made a point of putting his head down the toilet and flushing it, in the vain hope of waking him up.

He tried to press charges, the police laughed, and arrested him for posession of Class-A drugs for distribution.

Outstanding warrants are awesome.

Anyway, the point is, he was total gold to live with before this.

We all liked him, he was sunshine on a cloudy day.

But because he didn't get his way, suddenly the clouds come out, and whaddyaknow? We're all bastards, and he's getting kicked out of here.

So, at long last, here's my point.

Why do we even bother anymore?

Why pretend that humans are anything other than only moderately gregarious?

Why go to that shitheads birthday party when you don't even like them?

Why say hi at Pony at 4am on a Saturday night? Just ignore me!

Why do anything with anyone?

Is it all about our needs?

And if so, isn't that even more fucked?

I'm including myself here.

Is humanity just one big amorphous mass of self serving free agents?

Is life really just a big game of survivor?

And what is the point to anything?

Should we treat life as a game, and go right ahead manipulating and lying to each other?

It seems most of us do already.

I'm actually proud of who I am, proud that I don't give enough of a fuck about what people think of me to hold back my version of the truth.

I'm glad I have standards, and I'm delighted so many people never measure up to them.

I'm happy that I think about this world and this life, and try to measure out how what I do makes a difference or impacts negatively or needlessly.

I want to find more people like me.

They have to be out there.

I know they're out there.

Are you out there?



This is knifey, from 'the internet'.