And how I totally hang out with famous people all the time, and have them just popping over to the house to say hi, and to apologise for being stuck in China for so long filming their latest movie, and missing out on our regular dice games.
I even know Clem Bastow, and can ring her any time I want!
Well, even though my life really is just a crazy calvacade of chocolate milk, and waking up with busty naked strippers in my bed whenever I want it, sometimes things happen that freak even me out.
I have Sebastian Bach's email address, and I'm too scared to send him a knife-o-gram, coz he was one of my heroes in the 80's, and I'm scared he'll think I'm a dick, and flip me off.
No, not that one!
You know Sebastian- he sang "I remember you" and "18 and life" with his old band of hair farmers, 'Skid Row'.
This one!!!
They had a pierced guy called Rachel, and a guitarist named Snake, and...well...they were the total epitomy of L.A. trashy hair metal.
"Well I've got a boyfriend Daddy, and he's in a baaaand, and we're getting married!"
He was the intensely hot one that had the longest hair, the highest range, and the best cheekbones in metal. But to compensate, he would go out and fight anybody that gave him attitude, and drink the entire GDP of beer.
Full-on cheekbone attack!!!
But he left Skid Row, and does his own thing nowadays...like musical theatre (Jesus Christ Superstar, Rocky Horror Picture Show etc...), of all things.
Oh, and these tee shirts!
The shirt off his Bach. Shit, sorry.
People are quick to dismiss him as an embarassing 80's holdover, but that's just because they're jealous of his out of control genetics.
I know I am!
Besides, they were a 90's band, morons!
Last I heard he formed 'The Last Hard Men' with Kelly Deal from The Breeders and Jimmy Chaimberlin from The Smashing Pumpkins/Zwan, and did a remake of Alice Cooper's "School's Out" for the Scream soundtrack.
So you've heard him lately, and didn't even know it!
Bad boyz 4 loife!
But back to me...
Holy crap! What do you say to the guy you used to stand in front of the mirror with a hairbrush and imitate (badly) for the entire mid-90's?
"Yes, hello. When I listen to '18 and Life' I get all choked up and I actually cry, even when I've heard it on repeat for 16 days, and...oh fuck...I so want to be you...and...ohshitIcan'tbelieveIhaveyouremailaddressIthinkI'mgonnapukecozI'm-
sonervousrightnowIloveyouBaspleasebemyfriendOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Probably better I don't, right?
Oh great...way to make a guy question his sexuality there Bas. No really, thanks a pantload.
Look at how skinny his legs are!
That's even skinnier than mine!
And that's really saying something!
May as well face it, the guy is one of my ultimate heroes, and I will never call up the balls to send him a line.
My new hero is Ryan Reynolds.
I'm seeing stupid shit Blade 3 ass wank crap movie just because he's in it.
That's totally who I want to be this week.
Next week though, who knows?
Could be you!
Hey, on the subject...just when you thought AC/DC Lane was the bomb shit, check this-
Those crazy Germans!
I have to go drink some chocolate milk now, and kick all these strippers out of my bed.
Wish me luck.
This is knifey, from 'the internet'.
1 comment:
knifey, wanna date for Blade 3?
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