Magnification and Magnificence.

I'm back in Melbourne, I live here again.

Perth taught me so much, which is what it was for, and I am so grateful for those lessons, opportunities to shed my skin, and grow more. All clichés, I know, but as I say, they exist for a reason.

I remember a year of work, hard work. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I broke down to my lowest point, explored the nature of regret, and as ashamed as I am of ever having sunk so low, I'm proud I made it out alive.

Onward and upward.

There wasn't anything I could salvage from that time. I made some friends, and thanks to the magic of the internerd, we stay in touch. I own more useless objects and status symbols, which more and more I feel are like lead weights around my ankles. I've made the removals industry rich in a time of recession. But my reason for going there in the first place has relegated itself to history, no chance for peace, no way to undo some of what was done. It's out of my hands, and as much of a shame as that is, I've moved on.

That's all you can do.

So here I am, and I am dating a celebrity, which my ego doesn't enjoy at all. Having to wrestle with questions like how would I feel if she was asked to go on tour for 2 years without me, What do I think about her joining one of the most succesful bands in the country, Can I cope with all the sycophants and associated spoken ephemera? This time around though, I feel like I have finally bonded with the kind of person who is so unashamedly real, so all about doing right, and being honest, speaking honestly, thinking honestly. And that makes trust. So as strange a journey as it is, not being the rock star sterotype for a change, having to defer status, be happy for your partners success, I feel safe, and that's a whole lot of something good.

"Good things".

I'm a professional guitar player again. It makes me feel calm to know my revenue stream emanates from my eight fingers, from my own two hands. I feel talented and worthwhile, and in control of my destiny. I have faith and hope and love, and all of those things people sing about in Church, albeit mine being in a radical Atheist sense. I have started writing music again, after a long year of not, and I have been amazed at just how well it has all turned out. That limb didn't atrophy- Hallelujah! And my writing partner is my life partner- there's a love story in that.

We met through honest mutual admiration, it's a rare thing for either of us to be blown away by another musician, floating around out there in the miasma of other musicians. And through that exploration of just how far we could connect musically, love happened. Sure, there was always attraction, but more than that, we both had to feel like it was worth stepping up to that next level, as we both had the feeling it was serious and essential and not the kind of situation we would ever be inclined to step down from again. We had to be sure.

So like cautious dancers in a dusty and warm theatre, we allowed our abstract adagio to unfold, forgetting the basse danses of our respective pasts, the endless degages and effaces, and of course, enrosques; moving slowly closer, gauging the distance, like lovestruck engineers, meeting in the middle of an unfinished span, the two parts finally coming together, after years of high wind and raging waters below.

Similes can be anything, like a raging thesaurus -a word dinosaur.

And so here I am, happy and safe and calm and fulfilled and energised and excitable again. Looking forward to things, instead of an endless highway of sameness. And things that have started to happen, as opposed to things that one hopes for but never gets close to.

I have killed so much of my debt I no longer feel like I'm drowning, and I've gotta say, that's a great feeling. Also to know the rest of that balance is on its deathbed, awaiting the inevitable scythe of final payment.

I kill it, not the other way around...sounds like a line from the next Terminator movie- "You killed my Father, you tried to kill my Mother. You will NOT kill me!" Still, the comparisons between G.E. corporations Finance division and homocidal half human robots don't end there...

So what else?

I'm bored with Facebook, I'm so hungry to find something on the internet worth diving into...graffiti is all the same now, music- predictable, I need a good graphics or art site. Suggestions?

Mum, if you're reading this- I am exercising and eating properly.

There's your update.


This is knifey, from 'the internet'.