I got an email from someone I love yesterday (purr), and in it they asked me if I believe in reincarnation, they do and I don't.
My best friend in New Zealand does too. She's a former model/radio personality/general superstar who turned her back on the world at large in favour of finding out just how "this life thing" really works. She has a bunch of odd friends, some of whom you may consider rather unsavoury (let's include me in this sub-group), and from us all, she garners her wisdom. She is so impossibly beautiful I would try to describe it to you, but there's no point, because it's impossible. But I will say that she looks at everything she sees with the most incredible and empathetic look in her eyes. Like she sees everything for what it is, and she's soooo sorry, but it will be okay, just you wait and see. Even when she's smiling, she looks so sad and remote and perfect, just like the antipodes of New Zealand themselves.
My Mother also, is a big fan of reincarnation. My Mother, for those of you who don't know her, is what you would call a "no shit kinda gal". She's an ex model also, and a radio personality too, now that I think of it. She doesn't give any shit, and she doesn't take any shit, because she used to hang out with the Bee Gees and The Easybeats, and you didn't. She used to work on the second-biggest cattle station in Australia, which might not sound like much, until you consider the fact it is bigger than Sweden and the former Czech Republic combined, so big, you need a helicopter with a jet engine just to go fetch the newspaper from the front gate. She used to do a lot of things. A lot of no shit kinds of things. She knows all about the world, and the people in it, and let's face it, she raised me, and I turned out to be completely normal. (For the uninitiated, turn on your sarcasm-o-meters now.)
But I still just don't get down with reincarnation.
And so, after reading 'The Dharma Bums' by Jack Kerouac, and being so inspired by his enthusiasm and simple devotion, and being overtired to the point of hallucination, I kinda zoned out and thought about...
...how everything in this Universe is made of not much. How, on an atomic/molecular level, every solid object you have ever experienced is pretty much just empty space, with little electrons and neutrons and molecules and atoms all whirring around in their own little orbits, relating to each other, and locking together to form bigger things like bottle tops, and iPods, and foreskins.
How, if you knock on the surface of a guitar, like you would on a door, your sense perception is that that object, is solid. We even call it solid. But it isn't. Our eyes, which we trust way more than we ever should, tell us it looks solid, our touch tells us it is hard and solid, our ears tell us through knocking that it sounds solid, but it isn't solid. It isn't solid the way the bones that make up your skeleton, or the International Space Station, or an Yngwie Malmsteen CD is solid, or the way you think they are. It's just the same empty space, with a different set of elements from the periodic table dancing around to spice it up. Just like Sperm whales, full cream milk, or your brothers haircut do. Nothing is solid, it just perceives that way.
If we could shrink ourselves down small enough, and we took a trip, we could see all that empty space, that makes up Mount Rushmore, and the hard boiled egg I'm eating. We could fly right through the middle of a bacteria, the slide it's on, the microscope that surrounds it. We could fly right through the lab assistant, and the doors, and the walls, and out into space right through the sun, and for all we knew, we had been in space all along, because all we could see was the space that makes up all things. And we would see that there are no spaces between anything, because everything is space. That there are no spaces between us, because we are all space, and therefore, we are all one person. One person, made up of billions, of small people. But that one person is also made up of ant colonies, and wolf packs, and shopping malls, and uranium mines, and submarines, and newspaper columns. That buddhism was right after all, and that everything is connected, and one, and all at once an illusion, and nothing at all.
Why, if you could shrink yourself small enough, do you know what? We'd look like God. A God made of everything, even cancer, and a thousand smeary fluids we shall not name.
And maybe that's it. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe there is a God, and it is the full amalgamation of everything in the Universe, all together at once. Which really would make us all of God, and he greater than all of us combined, and far too much to comprehend with just the one segment of mind. That his will is far too complex and great for you or I to ever understand, because his will is made up of every thought process, natural occurrence and complex system in the Universe, all physics, and Geometry, and Logic, and bowel movement, and river rushing, and ice crystal forming, all at once, so it would take every mind in existence to house every thought that makes up the mental component of his will, and no less. And reincarnation could be, it could be the dying of some people, and their rhythms and smells and ideas, and the new birth of others, giving the whole continuity through time/space, while ending the singularities of particular individuals having an instance in that self same time/space. Like blips on the radar, it's still the same plane from blip to blip, even though it's new, and in a different place, at a later time. Together with all the bugs and cars, we ARE God, and if humanity succumbs to some as-yet unknown disease, and we all die, then the bugs would be God, and the cars too, until the bugs all died, and then the cars would be God. And the Coupland-esque superhighways with vines growing across them and the sun shining down on them would lie silent for a hundred thousand years, while God rusts himself into airbourne particles, spaces drifting off into space. The Holy Spirit, and the rapture, and judgement for all of us and our pets and real estate and computer porn and parking fines and good deeds and the Swiss Army knife you dropped under the front stairs of your Grandfathers house when you were eight, and you never found, until you died and decomposed, and it rusted, and you both drifted together in the epicentre of a North Sea Hurricane, with a Tyrannasaurs eye, and the first atom of matter that ever existed in the Universe, all swirling and dancing together at the end of human time, after cars and insects had their turn at being Gods, and the Earth danced right into the warm embrace of Sol, our sun.
Or maybe I'm just overtired, and radically miss Melissa in New England, Jennifer in Auckland City, and Mom up in her trailer park in Queensland.
'Night all...and God bless, whatever that means.
Broadcasting live and direct from The North Melbourne Public Library, this is knifey, from 'the internet'.