Friday, June 27, 2008
I used to write 3 blog posts a day sometimes...now it's one every 3 months! I guess the big news is: I moved to Perth. There are mountains of money here, so with no real idea, and Tom Waits' "Goin' Out West" in my heart, I flew out here and reinvented myself...in a town I don't honestly think deserves to be called a 'city'.
I didn't look back, but I'm starting to now.
Getting up at 5.30 a.m. for work all week is definitely against my religion...I have to remind myself every morning why I'm here. What's my motivation? And I'm sad and ashamed to say- it's "money".
I'm focussed on paying off the tens of thousands of dollars of debt you get when you pretend you're young and free, and can tour the planet indefinitely playing music in places like Toronto, or Istanbul, or Prague, or fucking Bucharest, instead of working like everybody else.
I'm buying modular lounge suites and refrigerators that are worth more than a family car, and plants shopping on the weekend. I bought my girl an electronic drum kit, that sits in one of our 3 spare rooms along with the computers, and the space reserved for the treadmill (maybe next week). I have a lot of nice things, and no time to enjoy them.
That's a lot unlike me.
When I left New Zealand around 8 years ago, I promised I wouldn't "just leave" anywhere again...that I'd say goodbye to everyone, and spend some time with them all, but I didn't. People still assume I'm back there, just like usual. I wonder which of them will die first? And how many years will it be before I find out, when reminiscing with an old acquaintance? So I can blog about their finer points, and regret doing what I'm doing right this minute, namely, not talking to them.
I've deinitely seen the sheep divided from the goats, so to speak...who my real friends are. That becomes clearer every day.
And tonight I realised how much I let my day to day over here interfere with my self image. Being the new kid, having no history, not meaning anything to anyone..it all makes a substantial dent in ones arrogance. And that's ok.
What's not ok is forgetting all the good things I like about myself, instead of limiting my self image to: "auto fitter", or "entrepeneur", or "modelling agency bookings desk pilot". I'm not any of those things, even though I have been doing all 3.
Maybe no one else likes it, but I'm proud of my writing. I get a great deal out of it, and I'm going to further embarass myself by saying I don't for the life of me understand why I don't get more recognition than I do for it. Sure, this post is not unlike lancing a boil, but I definitely have a few finer moments. Don't I?
I wish I had more energy. I wish I could stay awake longer, so I could do all the things I want to do, instead of stare at the 52 inch lcd TV and matching Blu Ray player in exhausted shock every evening.
I know that if I'm ever going to have the life I dream about, I have to start building it now. And that involves things like "learning Spanish", "learning how to cook", "making friends"...all the things I suck at. Badly.
37 is a little late to reinvent yourself I think, and for that reason, I'm glad I didn't do it later. Although I know as soon as I make the money I want here, set up a couple of new enterprises, and either sell them off as going concerns, or employ management to run them in my absence, I'll go again.
Back to Melbourne?
Not on your life...it's a slightly larger village than Wellington, NZ was! I'm done with the cities of Australia.
I don't know where in the world is next. I have been most places, and I can't see myself settling in any of them, which I think is natures way of telling me to travel more til I do.
Next stop: Latin America (thus the Spanish, but hopefully not Portuguese as well)!
Guess I'll have to factor that into my ridiculously large wall planner.
This is knifey, from 'the internet'.