Continuing along on my theme of "lording up the fact that I am the only person in the world who has morals and standards, and no one else can match up to my superior principles", I figure now would be a great time to make mention of Jean Paul Sartre.
Sartre, in his morality play 'No Exit', wrote one of my favourite all-time quotes:
"L'enfer, c'est les autres" (Hell is other people.)
The play was, in my eyes, an amazing dissection of the way we use others to reassure, and basically lie to ourselves, to mask the faults we hold.
We all know how this works, every time we are in a social situation, and we play the social game.
Only it isn't a game at all.
We put up false fronts, portraying ourselves in all manner of ways, in order to impress upon others. And we reap our notions of self-esteem, by how highly regarded we are held by these people we have lied to.
So we act as we are not, then feel proud according to how well we have lied.
Sartre made the point in this work, that a persons personality is unable to form under such conditions, and of course he is right. How could it?
How can we grow as people, when we ourselves are a lie?
How can we develop, when the real us is hidden away behind the facade, never to be seen, even by us?
We as people, are lies built on lies.
And we take these corporations of false facts out into the world, and show them off like peacock feathers, hoping to impress, and to climb higher into the social stratosphere.
We lie, and we manipulate, and we pretend we're having fun, when in truth we have never felt so lonely in a room full of people.
Or worse still, we don't feel lonely at all, then we are truly lost.
Look at Myspace.com, or Friendster.
These are the new bastions of the self as an advertisement (as cars, property, and jobs were to our parents).
Thousands and thousands of people, lying to the world, putting to gether a false reality, what they drive, who they know, what they look like...
And so many of them with nothing to say.
I'm not even talking about original ideas. I'm just talking about any ideas.
Look at Blogger.com, and check out what some of you are saying.
"Look at this incredible life that we, the chosen ones have, and you do not. You can look, but you will never know the amazing reality of the spa party, or the pash party, or the...fuck, whatever."
And bands for popularity, and artists for money, and...whatever.
Some people actually convince themselves that this false reality is a real life, and that all the people who would go away if it wasn't for the manipulation and the ego stroking and the insincerity, are actually their friends.
Sartre called this state of affairs, a "social comedy". No wonder, right?
So here we all are, dancing around each other in an amazing social construct that leaves any of the myriad complexities of mother nature for dead.
Only, and here's the "lording it up" bit...
I'm not dancing.
I don't care for it at all. I don't care for what your opinion is, unless you present me with some logic to back it up, not some guilt trip or bitchiness.
There is not one person in my whole life that I cling to for anything, and it drives some people insane.
I derive my real sense of self from knowing myself, from not shying away from hard lessons, or by placing blame for my fuckups on others.
But some people I have known, they hate it.
They hate it that I won't be manipulated like others they know.
When they threaten to walk, i say "go".
And because that threatens their misplaced sense of self "How can this person reject me? I'm popular!"), they lash out, and write me emails containing the kind of catty bullshit I quoted in my first paragraph.
I don't care.
If that's how a person chooses to conduct themselves, it's not my deal.
If they lack the courtesy to talk through whatever they perceive the problem to be, it's not up to me to convince them.
If their first impulse is to blame me, instead of think rationally and see that not everything is about them, why should I waste my time defending myself?
And that makes me antisocial.
I know all about being social.
I'm not only a philosophy graduate, with a special interest in Plato's 'Republic', but I spent ten years in nightclubs talking shit with people who all dissapeared the second I stopped dealing drugs.
I could play this game like you would not believe.
If you want a false reality constructed, hell yeah, I can do it.
But I don't want to know.
Fuck all the Team Fizli shit you may have read a few months back. I thought I was dealing with a group of passionate humans who wanted to create something bigger, not a bunch of self-congratulatory bloggers who's only modus operandi seems to be convincing the world (and therefore themselves) that they are anything other than people who want to show you how dirty they can be, as if we're all in Junior High again.
Who gives a fuck how many people you can kiss at once?
Sorry, you're right- a lot of people care. That's the saddest part.
Social comedy at its finest.
But don't get me wrong.
I don't think I'm better than any of you, because we're all the same shit in a different bag.
I have so many problems and doubts and insecurities this blog couldn't hold them all, just like you.
And I love to distract myself from the uglier sides of my lifes reality, just like you.
I talk a lot of shit on here, just like you.
But unlike you, I'll admit it, and it frustrates the living fuck out of me that so few will.
I'm not prerfect, and i never thought I was- that's the point.
So next time you want to level an acusation at me for supposedly thinking I'm superior, and lording it up over you, when I'm just crying out for some like-minded people to make themselves known, save it for someone who gives half a shit.
Take a look at yourself, and the company you keep, and the things you say, and the way you put yourself out there, then tell me I should respect you.
Tu n'es rien d'autre que ta vie.
this is knifey, from 'the internet', and supposedly floating above you all like a God, judging you, and being better than you at everything.