Thursday, December 30, 2004

Insert witty phrase here.

I don't know what's happened to me!

I've been in hospital for a few days, with a head injury.

This wouldn't have bothered me, but the head injury in question was situated on my head, which kinda sucks all the fun out of it right there.


Oops! My head's leaking.

I was riding through a hailstorm the other night, when half a tree swung down out of the sky, split my full face helmet in half, and knocked me right the fuck out.

Don't panic ladies- my looks are still 1000% percentizzle intact.

Anyway, because I don't like to do anything by halves, I was in a two night coma, and came back around yesterday morning (just in time for breakfast, and a bed bath!)

Hi Nurse Holly, I love you.

This is the weird thing though- this morning, I woke up at 7am, and I felt great.

For those that know me, you know I go to bed between 4 and 6 am, and rise anytime after 2pm the next day.

I don't do mornings.

But I got up early this morning, after hitting the sack at 4 am, and instead of feeling wiped out and homicidal, I feel fucking amazing...is it possible this tree knocked some sense into me?!

I was at the supermarket at 9 am, and home again by 10, with a bunch of new magazines (Empty, Oyster, WAD, While You Were Sleeping, Yen, ID, *Wallpaper, Black Book, IDN).

I sat down to write some riffs for my new band DISGRACELAND, and instead of the writers block I've been fuzzily existing through of late, those babies just poured out of me, like a racehorse pissing.

Only tasty.

While this was going on, my computer was raping the internet like there is no tomorrow.

I have 2 new programs, and if you like porn (don't lie), you will never be the same again.


"I won't do you if you lie"...

#1. Nici.
Nici is a bot program that you enter your search preferences into (jpeg/tentacle sex/shemale/silicone/anal), and it goes forth out into the internet, and finds/downloads every picture from every picture gallery that submits any one of your search terms to search engines.
It also does the same for movies.

The reason this is so freaking all-time incredible, is because in the 2 hours I was out this morning doing my shopping, Nici had downloaded 7 gigabytes of porn to my hard drive.

7 gigabytes!!!


One of 58,000,000,000,000.

My dick is so falling off right now...

#2. Azureus.
OK, so we all know about Morpheus, Limewire, Kazaa, Soulseek, etc..
But really, at best, they are only OK.
Azureus is a Torrent client, which means after you have gone to a Torrent site and downloaded all the tiny wee torrent filez you like the sound of, you load them into Azureus, which basically manages the downloads.

So while I listen to Meshuggah's 'Nothing' album (omigod, please buy this- it really is nothing short of incredible), drink hot Milo, and type this, Azureus is downloading full DVD rips of all my favourite porn movies (for evaluation purposes only, of course).

My friends love me, because when they want to borrow a porn movie DVD, they generally take a folder with 49 others in it as well. I have 138 of these folders.

I am going to hell.




My love affair with my computer doesn't end there.

I have had the same mouse for 4 years, and over that time it has slowed down and become less accurate to the point of stopping entirely today.

So I took it out to the back yard and SMASHED IT WITH AN AXE!!!


Before.


After.

Now I have a beautiful fully wireless optical mouse, which not only points precisely, but simultaneously makes me wet my pants.

But wait, there's so much more!

After picking Nadine up from the airport the other day, we went to the Ding Dong Lounge orphans Christmas, then to a Chinese meal in a Chinese Restaurant with real Chinese people (and Greg).


I made La Nadine a sign out of wood, and an old guitar neck.


Then I took it to the airport and embarassed her with it.

I bought my 'Free Tibet you fat bastards' banner, and put it where everyone could see it.

Maybe that's why my food sucked.

Greg's didn't though, so i just ate that.

Anyways,a good time was had by all, before we dropped La Nadine off at Fits' house, and Greg pashed her on the doorstep (just before Sheriff had full-on penetrative sex with her in the hallway inside).

She's coming over again today to throw down in the International Monopoly Challenge (which isn't code for sex), and to tend to my sore head in her best nurses outfit (which might be, we'll have to see).

It just wouldn't be a knifey post if I didn't register my displeasure at something, so here goes...

There exists an ad on the TV at the moment, for the Australian Youth Olympics.

In it, an old man (who is totally cute in that Doctor Evil/Austin Powers way) says "Fo' shiz, bitch" to another actor, with the accompanying subtitle "For sure, lady friend".

I know it's just plain mental for me to be offended by this, but I am- it's aimed solely at children fer chrissakes!

Children are notorious little shits at the best of times, the last thing the TV should be doing is encouraging them.

I have a rule- you must learn manners first, then you can get your 'swear-wings'. If you don't know how to eat at the dinner table with the Queen, then you're not allowed to employ the swears.

Them's the rules, yo.



This is knifey, from 'the internet'.

Monday, December 27, 2004

DENY Everything.



Click pics for a bigger view...


Eagle.


Capsule.


Evil Pink.


Lemon Locust.


Red Thunder Cat Skull.


Sticker 1.


Sticker 2.


X RAY 07.


X RAY 08.


X RAY 09.


X RAY 10.


X RAY 11.


X RAY 14.


X RAY 13.


X RAY 12.


X RAY 15.


X RAY 03.


X RAY 02.


X RAY 01.


X RAY 04.


X RAY 05.


X RAY 06.


DENY in the sky.


Spruce Invader.


Metal 4 Eva !!!


Damage.


Camaro.


Humbourghini.


Death Star(fish).


Fiz(li).


Wood = good.


Disgraceland.


Kill your Television.


Nerdy Secks.


Imperial Walker.


Summer Haiku Tower.


TF4E.


TF4E.


TF4E.


TF4E.


TF4E.


TF4E.







This is knifey, from 'the internet'.